


Forget Me Not

by Ultra



Series: Forget Me Not [2]
Category: Gilmore Girls
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - 50 First Dates Fusion, Angst and Feels, Awkward Conversations, Awkward Romance, Books, Drama & Romance, Emotions, Eventual Happy Ending, F/M, Falling In Love, Family Dynamics, Family Secrets, First Kiss, First Meetings, First Time, Friendship/Love, Getting Together, Getting to Know Each Other, Love, Making Love, Memories, Memory Loss, Sex, Starting Over, Truth
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-07
Updated: 2020-04-26
Packaged: 2021-02-27 06:34:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 13
Words: 34,788
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22162633
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ultra/pseuds/Ultra
Summary: Jess Mariano takes time out to visit his uncle Luke in the crazy little town of Stars Hollow. There he meets an amazing woman, the smart and beautiful Rory Gilmore. Unfortunately, Rory isn’t all she seems and if Jess is serious about her he’s going to have to be committed. Can he really get her to fall in love with him, not just one day, but every day?
Relationships: Lane Kim/Zack Van Gerbig, Luke Danes/Lorelai Gilmore, Rory Gilmore/Jess Mariano
Series: Forget Me Not [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2030950
Comments: 7
Kudos: 63





	1. Chapter 1

“It’s good to see you, nephew,” said Luke as he slapped Jess on the back. “Man, it’s been too long. Look at you, all grown up.”

“That’s what happens as the years go by,” he said with a smirk. “I can see the engaged life is suiting you.” He grinned genuinely then, not sure he quite understood the shadow that passed over Luke’s face at that remark.

“So, we should get you to the diner, get you settled in,” his uncle said then, taking one of Jess’ two bags from his hand and encouraging him to follow him down the street.

There was something just a little off about Luke, but Jess couldn’t decide what it was. He hadn’t come to stay here for three years now, not since the summer after graduation. After that, with the money he had saved, he went off to find his way in the world, safe in the knowledge that Liz was finally in rehab and going to be okay. His life had taken so many turns since then, gone in so many directions Jess had never expected, and yet he was happy. Still, all he’d wanted to do for a while now was take a vacation and visit Luke in Stars Hollow, to feel as young and carefree as he always had in this place so many years ago. Finally, he could afford to do it, and here he was.

“The place looks the same,” he said as he followed his uncle towards the diner. “The streets, the stores, the diner.”

“Yup, it’s mostly the same as you remember.” Luke nodded along, going in through the front door with Jess on his heels.

“Oh my... Is that little Jess Mariano?” a voice asked with an audible gasp.

Jess turned to look at the large woman at the table by the window. He grinned when he saw her familiar face.

“In the flesh, Miss Patty,” he told her.

“And what beautiful flesh,” she remarked as he took her hand and kissed it.

“You’ve just been waiting for me to be legal, huh?” He winked, chuckling at the way she actually blushed before he turned and followed on behind Luke as far as the counter.

“Do you have to?” his uncle asked, rolling his eyes.

“What? Is it my fault I’m irresistible to your clientele?”

“You really can’t blame the kid for being so darn cute!” said an older blonde from her spot at the counter. “How you doin’, sugar?” she asked Jess with a grin.

“I’m doing just fine, Babette,” he told her. “All the better for being back here after so long. Everything is all just the same, except the women got prettier,” he told her.

Luke rolled his eyes, again, and gestured towards the curtain behind the counter.

“Jess, you wanna leave off the charm offensive and take your bags up? I have customers to serve and if you haven’t noticed, this is the start of the lunch rush!”

“Give me thirty seconds, I’ll come back down and help,” his nephew told him, grabbing both bags and moving himself towards the curtain and the stairs beyond.

“I wasn’t...” Luke stated to protest. “Jess, you’re on vacation!” he called after him, but the kid clearly wasn’t listening.

It was only then that Luke realised he probably shouldn’t be referring to Jess as a kid anymore, not even in his head. Gone was the child and teenager he had known, and in his place an accomplished, charming, decent young man of twenty-one. It was almost unbelievable that his sister, Liz, and the absent Jimmy Mariano, could’ve created such a person. Jess was always book smart and New York made his street smart, but for a while he was clearly struggling with authority and manners. Liz just didn’t have time for him but Luke always did. He let the kid come and stay whenever he could, which usually consisted of most of the Summer break and Christmas too. Mostly he stayed in the apartment, reading his way through piles of books that forever astounded Luke, and then later as a teenager he did more shifts in the diner, earning cash to save for travelling after graduation.

Luke zoned out thinking about Jess’ younger years, and wondering at the man his nephew had become. He would like to say he had a hand in raising him right, helping him become better adjusted than he otherwise might’ve been under Liz’s care alone. Still, perhaps it was the tougher parts of his life that had enabled him to write the book he just had published, only by an independent publishing house for now, but there was always the chance of it getting picked up by a larger house that could potentially make him famous across the country, maybe even the world.

“Hey, I thought we were busy?” said Jess himself as he appeared at Luke’s side, sleeves rolled up to his elbows and looking ready to work.

“We are, or we will be.” His uncle shook his head free of too many thoughts. “Uh, can you clear those tables and the start taking orders?”

“Sure, no problem.” Jess smiled amiably and went about his work.

It was weird how easily he could fall into the rhythm of the diner. He hadn’t worked tables like this in years, not at Luke’s anyway, and yet it was almost as if he had never been away. Today could easily be a normal summer day in his teen years, helping out in the lunch rush before he headed back upstairs to finish his latest read. People he had known years ago greeted him with friendly smiles and waves, at least most people did. There were a few of the townsfolk that never really approved of Luke’s ‘hoodlum’ nephew. Not that he had been so bad, but Jess had enjoyed a few pranks in his younger days, mostly against Taylor Doose, town selectman. He got away with it most of the time, thanks to the fact that Luke also hated that pompous guy! Still, Jess wasn’t planning any trouble or fuss on this trip, just some quality time spent in his favourite place with his favourite uncle.

“Luke!” came a yell from the kitchen then. “The grill is smoking again!”

It was obviously Caesar having a meltdown, but Jess looked up and realised his uncle was completely swamped at the counter. Grabbing the dirty dishes from the nearest two tables, he hurried back to the counter, relieving Luke so he could go deal with the grill situation. Jess took order after order, until everyone was dealt with and then breathed a sigh of relief when that particular part of the rush died down.

It was like a dream being back here, no matter how hard he had to work. What Jess called his real life was far less pleasant than vacation time and holidays spent with Luke had ever been. His mother, Liz, was flaky at best and downright awful at worst. She flitted from man to man, and it was a rare occurrence when any of those guys were actually decent human beings. Jess’ world had been filled with drug users, abusive assholes, and fights he didn’t want to hear beyond his bedroom door. He had bounced between school, the library, and the streets of New York, wanting to be home as little as possible. When school was out, he was gone, off to visit Uncle Luke, who welcomed the unruly boy with open arms every time. It meant the world to Jess.

There were times when he wanted to ask to stay, times even when Luke had offered him the chance, but Jess couldn’t do it. As much as he hated what his mom did with her life, he loved her too. He couldn’t leave her alone to end up dead. Eventually he always came home to check on her, to pick up the pieces from another bad break up or a crazy binge or both. Still, Stars Hollow was his sanctuary, at least until he graduated, and now he was back in a feeling of safety he never could properly describe, in a world of people he knew so well. 

It occurred to Jess that he didn’t know absolutely everybody here. That would be impossible after so long away, after all. The bell over the door jingled as a total stranger walked in, as if to illustrate the point Jess had just made in his head. She was probably around his age, brown hair and with the brightest blue eyes. No doubt at all that this was a beautiful young woman and she headed straight towards the counter with a smile that Jess felt he could stare at all day long if she let him.

“Hi,” she greeted him.

“Hey,” he replied with a smile of his own. “Can I help you?”

“Um, yeah, I guess,” she said awkwardly. “I’m sorry, usually Luke is the only one serving....”

“I’m Jess, Luke’s nephew,” he introduced himself. “Here on vacation, but also helping out with the rush.”

“Ah, Jess!” She smiled widely. “Nice to have a face to go with the name. Luke’s mentioned you before, how you would always come visit him in the summer when we were on vacation or at Christmas when we staying with my grandparents.” She rolled her eyes, even as she continued to talk a mile a minute. “I remember telling my mom that it’s so crazy how you’re always here when we’re not, almost like you did it on purpose, even though you obviously couldn’t be doing that because hey, why would you want to avoid me when you don’t even know me?”

Jess smiled a little at her enthusiasm for explaining herself. It was kind of overwhelming, but he didn’t mind at all. He just wished he knew who he was talking to... or being talked at by, perhaps.

“You’re right, I don’t know you,” he said pointedly.

The mysterious woman literally face-palmed.

“I’m so sorry,” she apologised, blushing a pretty pink. “I’m Rory,” she said, holding out her hand for him to shake.

“Rory,” he echoed. “Lorelai’s daughter?” he checked.

“Yeah, how did you know that?” she asked, retracting her hand now the greeting was over. “Oh, I suppose Luke told you all about us crazy Gilmore girls, huh?”

Jess opened his mouth to speak, but Luke had suddenly reappeared, practically shoving his nephew to one side.

“Hey, Rory.” He smiled widely at her. “Don’t tell me, a burger with everything and a chocolate sundae.”

“Yes! I love how you just know what I want without me having to tell you.” She giggled, swinging a little on her stool.

Jess frowned slightly as he watched the exchange between Rory and Luke. Somehow in the presence of his uncle, she seemed so young, more girlish, and yet he was sure she was as old as he was. He was also pretty sure she should have a little more awareness of why Luke would tell him about her and Lorelai. After all, they were bound to be cousins-in-law in the not too distant future.

Letting that topic go for a moment, Jess returned to waiting tables for a while. He watched Rory out of the corner of his eye as she ate her burger and read the newspaper. She seemed to study every page with vivid interest, and yet got through the whole paper before she was even done eating. Next thing he knew, Rory had pulled a book from her bag and started reading that too. A flash of the cover told Jess he approved.

“ _Oliver Twist._ ” He smiled as he returned to the serving side of the counter. “Good choice.”

“I’ve read it at least twenty times,” Rory told him, returning the sunny expression. “I’m kind of a book freak. Do you read much?”

“What is much?” Jess smirked. “I mean, if you think the fact I’ve read most of my favourites at least as many times as you’ve read your Dickens classic there, then yeah, I guess so.”

“Wow,” she reacted with surprise and yet was evidentially impressed. “Well, what are you into? Besides Dickens, I mean. What are you reading right now?”

She was all questions and enthusiasm, and Jess loved having somebody he could fall into a deep discussion about literature with. They covered everything from A to Z as they raved over Ginsberg and playfully argued Hemingway vs Rand. Jess completely lost track of time in their conversation and he didn’t care at all.

Luke watched from the other end of the counter and frowned. He knew he should stop them getting into deep conversation like this, but all he had heard them mention so far was books, so he couldn’t see the problem. At some point he would have to explain to Jess why Rory was so special, but for now, he didn’t suppose it mattered too much if they talked their way through a library full of books they each kept in their heads.

“At least she’s still smiling,” he muttered to himself.

The phone ringing took his attention then and Luke moved to answer it losing track of the conversation between Rory and Jess. He missed the part where she checked her watch and started to frown and when Jess asked what was wrong.

“I should really go,” she said sadly, clearly wishing she could stay longer. “My room is still a mess from coming home, and the plan was to get it all straight today before the summer really gets started.” She smiled. “I had fun though.”

“Me too,” Jess admitted, feeling like a giddy teen when she grinned at him that way and admitted she had a good time just talking to him about books.

The truth was, he felt exactly the same. Nothing was more appealing than a beautiful woman who knew literature as well as he did himself. Jess found himself hoping that Rory was as regular a customer in the diner as Luke always described. Jess watched her leave and still continued to stare as she crossed the street and then disappeared from his sight.

* * *

“Hey, you,” said an older but pretty dark-haired woman as she swung into the diner at speed.

“Hey,” replied Luke with a bright smile as they met at the counter, both leaning in to share a sweet kiss. “How’re things today?”

“Same old, same old.” She sighed, smile wavering distinctly.

Jess couldn’t help but notice as he observed the couple. It was as if they were happy and yet something was getting in the way. He couldn’t imagine what the problem was, but decided maybe he needed to ask his uncle about it at some point when they were alone.

Last night, there really hadn’t been much chance for talking. After lunch, Jess had spent some time unpacking, then returned to assist with the dinner rush. When that was over, he went out for a walk around the old town he had so missed and ended up talking to more people than he originally intended who were eager to hear what was going on with him and how his writing and such was going.

Clearly Luke had been talking him up to the townsfolk and Jess didn’t mind at all. It was late by the time he got home and so both men had gone to bed. By the time Jess woke this morning, Luke was already accepting deliveries and setting up the diner. Here they were, working the breakfast shift side by side, and Jess was faced with a woman he guessed the identity of quite easily.

“You must be Lorelai,” he said, smiling as he approached her and Luke.

“Ah, yes. Lorelai this is my elusive nephew, Jess Mariano. Jess, Lorelai.”

“So, you’re the mini Luke that I never managed to meet before?” She grinned as they shook hands. “I was starting to think you were imaginary.”

“Nope, real as you are,” Jess assured her. “I was starting to think we would never meet though. In fact, when I talked to Rory yesterday...”

“You talked to Rory?” asked Lorelai, looking strangely disturbed by that.

Jess wasn’t sure what to make of her attitude. He could see no reason why he shouldn’t have talked to his uncle’s fiancée’s daughter and yet there seemed to be a distinct opinion that he shouldn’t.

“Yeah, we talked for a while, mostly about books,” he clarified. “Is that a problem? I mean, I wasn’t hitting on her or anything, so if she has a boyfriend-”

“She doesn’t,” said Lorelai definitely, a little coldly actually.

Jess was officially confused but didn’t get any real chance to ask what was up when the very girl they were discussing walked in.

“Hey.” She smiled widely as she wandered over to the counter. “Luke, please, coffee!” she begged of him.

Luke immediately gestured for Jess to move aside so he could serve both the Gilmore girls since Lorelai chimed in that she was still waiting for her drink also.

“Hi,” said Jess as he leant on the counter near Rory. “What? No _Oliver Twist_ today?”

“Uh, yeah, actually it’s in my bag. How did you know I was reading _Oliver Twist_?”

“Because I saw you reading it yesterday.” He frowned, somewhat confused by the question. “Jess, remember? We had a whole conversation about books?”

“Oh, you’re Jess!” she suddenly exclaimed with a grin that was as baffling as it was encouraging. “I’m Rory, but I guess you know that, hence the creepy joke, right?”

“Creepy joke?” Jess echoed, but was prevented from getting into further conversation when Lorelai suddenly moved into his eyeline.

“Hey, hon,” she said to Rory, grabbing her arm. “Let’s grab a table.”

The Gilmore girls walked away, Lorelai casting a backwards glance at Jess that was severe to say the least. It just didn’t make any sense at all, as far as he could tell.

“Did I just enter _The Twilight Zone_?” he asked Luke in earnest.

He watched his uncle watching Lorelai and Rory, then ran a hand over his face.

“Jess, c’mere,” he gestured for him to follow as he stepped into the storage room.

His nephew looked across at the Gilmores talking animatedly before he walked in behind Luke and closed the door. He hoped he was about to get a real explanation for the weirdness he just witnessed. He really needed one.

“So, Rory is... well, she’s special,” said Luke, hands pressed together as he tried to explain.

“Special as in bughouse crazy?” Jess checked, at which his uncle blanched.

“No! No, she is not crazy. Don’t you start saying stuff like that about Rory, because she’s not crazy,” he insisted.

“So, what’s her deal?” asked Jess. “Because that’s not the person I met yesterday.”

“Actually, she’s exactly the person you met yesterday, and the same person you’ll meet tomorrow and every day.” Luke sighed. “Look, Rory had an accident in her car a while back. It was two years ago now, right when school let out for the summer. She was due to go back to Yale in the fall for her sophomore year and everything was good for her. Then the accident happened. It didn’t seem like much, she just swerved for something furry in the road, rammed the car into a telephone poll, but she hit her head.”

Jess watched Luke’s face go through a hundred expressions and almost none of them positive when he got as far as describing this accident that seemed to have affected Rory so much.

“Lorelai was in pieces over Rory’s condition. She was unconscious for a while, but then eventually she woke up, the doctors asked her a bunch of questions, and it seemed like she was fine. She knew her name, where she was and everything, except for the accident, and that was supposedly normal after that kind of trauma. The problem came the next day. Rory woke up and she didn’t seem to recall even being in the hospital, never mind the accident. As far as she was concerned it was the day of the crash but none of that had even happened yet.”

“How is that possible?” asked Jess, looking as confused as he felt, he was sure.

“Some kind of short-term memory issue. I don’t really know the science or the psychology.” His uncle shook his head sadly. “All I know is that Rory wakes up every day believing its June 3rd 2004, and all we can do is let her live that day as she wants to. It really doesn’t matter, because the next day, she does it all over again.”

Jess was frowning so hard he felt a headache coming on. Without a word he turned away from Luke and opened up the door of the storage room just an inch. He looked out at Rory who was talking and laughing with her Mom, like a girl who had not a care in the world. He supposed that was true. She didn’t know what was wrong with her, didn’t know she was living in a Groundhog Day type world with everyone playing make pretend all around her. It was maybe the saddest thing Jess ever heard in his life, and immediately he wanted to do anything he could to help.


	2. Chapter 2

“Okay, one more.”

Luke rolled his eyes and turned from the sink where he was washing dishes to face his nephew. Jess was aware that his uncle was getting annoyed and he knew why. He had been saying he had just ‘one more’ question about Rory’s condition all day long, but somehow, he just seemed to find extra queries every time he thought he was done. It was a pretty unique situation, as far as he could tell.

“What?” asked Luke, folding his arms over his chest.

“She reads the paper,” Jess noted with a frown. “How does she not know what day it is from that?”

“Special paper.” Luke shrugged easily. “On the days she picks up a paper, she always gets it from Doosey’s. Everyone in town knows the box on the corner is full of Rory’s papers, exact copies of the one published on the day of the accident.”

“And how does Taylor have all those copies of an old newspaper?”

“I supply them to him. I know a guy.”

Jess’ eyes went a little wide at that, another surprising answer he hadn’t been expecting. It was strange enough to have met a person with such a lack of memory, where every day started afresh as if the one before never occurred. Still, it was probably his own uncle that surprised him the most. It seemed that it was Luke, perhaps even more so than Lorelai, that helped Rory to live the same day over and over, so she never had to get upset about her accident or it’s consequences.

“You said on the days she picks up the paper,” said Jess then, getting up from his seat and coming over to where Luke was almost done with the dishes. “Even though it’s the same day every time, she doesn’t always do the same thing?”

“Of course not.” Luke rolled his eyes. “It’s not like Rory’s trying to recreate anything, it’s just a regular day for her. Sometimes she comes into the diner for breakfast, sometimes for lunch. She’ll hang out in the square or at the lake. Some days she’ll wanna hang out with Lorelai or Lane. It’s just, whatever she does, we keep her away from anything that’ll let her know what day it really is.”

Jess nodded along, still trying to process. He picked up the dishtowel without really thinking about it and started drying off all the things Luke had washed.

“If she’s as smart as you always said she was, she has to figure it out sometimes.”

Luke heaved a sigh, drying off his hands and shaking his head.

“You’re not letting this go, are you? Why are you so interested anyway?”

“Luke, this girl is stuck in a time warp and she’s supposed to be your step-daughter someday. Why wouldn’t I be interested?”

His uncle didn’t seem to have any answer to that and even apologised for snapping. Of course, Jess knew his own interest in Rory wasn’t purely because she was Lorelai’s daughter. From the first moment he saw her, he just knew there was something about her, and it had nothing to do with her memory problems. She was beautiful, obviously, long dark hair, amazing blue eyes, and a smile that lit up the room, but it was more than that. She was smart and funny and interesting, and there was something else that he couldn’t name or even properly describe. Jess just liked Rory, a lot, and if he could get to know her better somehow, that would be great. Of course, her not remembering him from one day to the next was not exactly conducive to them becoming close, but it probably wasn’t completely impossible.

“Yes, there are days when Rory realises we’re all hiding something from her,” Luke admitted then, bringing Jess out of his thoughts very abruptly. “Those are the bad days. The _very_ bad days,” he explained, wandering over to a blanket box at the end of his bed.

Jess wondered what was going on and headed on over to look, abandoning the last of the dishes that were left dripping in the drainer. Luke had unlocked the padlock on the box and was pulling out a book, a large scrapbook from what Jess could tell. When Luke placed it in his hands, he didn’t know what to think and it must’ve shown on his face because his uncle soon explained.

“Lorelai made this a while back, after the first bad day. It has everything about Rory’s accident and her condition all explained, every piece of evidence to prove what her life has been from then to now,” he said, even as Jess opened up the book and flipped the pages.

It was like a punch in the gut to see the amazing girl he had met in the diner lying in a hospital bed, covered in bruises and hooked up to machines, a bandage wound around the top of her head. There was a lot of writing, newspaper articles, doctors’ reports, everything to explain what happened, but mostly Jess just saw the pictures, a battered and broken Rory. He may not know her well, but somehow it still all made him feel nauseous to see her like that.

“When Rory sees or hears something that lets her know the world isn’t what she thinks, we show her the book,” said Luke then. “Lorelai has me keep it here because she doesn’t want Rory coming across it by accident. The less bad days we can have, the better.”

Jess nodded that he understood, closing the book and handing it back to his uncle. He ran a hand over his face and tried hopelessly to take all of this in. It was a lot.

“I’m sorry, Jess,” said Luke, his hand landing heavily on his nephew’s shoulder. “I should’ve warned you, I just... It’s not my favourite thing to talk about, you know? Rory is... She’s so special. You know I love her like she was mine and she had such a bright future ahead of her. Now, she... It’s just tough on everybody.”

“I get it.” Jess nodded. “Gotta be tougher on you and Lorelai than anybody. I mean, she doesn’t know you’re engaged, right?”

“Nope.” Luke shook his head. “As far as Rory’s concerned, me and Lorelai are barely even dating. We can’t be together, not how we want to be. I don’t even know how we’re ever going to really get married or move forward but... it’s Rory,” he said, shrugging his shoulders. “We don’t have a choice but to keep on doing what we’re doing except... Well, she could go to a facility, a place for people like her, with brain injuries and memory problems, but Lorelai couldn’t take that. Honestly, I couldn’t either.”

“So, everybody lives in limbo. The whole town plays at it being someday two summers ago, just for one girl?”

“And you didn’t think this place could get any crazier, right?” Luke rolled his eyes, moving to put the book back into its hiding place.

“No, it’s not that,” Jess replied absently, mind entirely somewhere else for a few moments more. “I get it. Rory’s special, so everybody takes care of her. Stars Hollow’s that kind of place,” he said, shrugging his shoulders. “And I wanna be a part of that, for as long as I’m here. I mean, if there’s a charade to keep up, better that I know all the details, right?”

“I guess so.” Luke nodded, though there was a look on his face that suggested maybe he wasn’t entirely believing every word his nephew said.

“What?” Jess checked.

Luke shook his head. “Nothing. Just... be careful, okay? It’s too easy to slip up and we really want to avoid those bad days,” he said pointedly. “Rory’s been through enough. So has Lorelai.”

“I get it,” Jess assured her. “I’m not looking to make problems, Luke, I just... I like talking to Rory, that’s all. That’s okay, right?”

“Of course,” his uncle agreed. “Just so long as talking is all there is to it.”

Jess didn’t dare answer that. After all, his mind had wandered a bit where Rory was concerned, before he found out about her memory issues, obviously. Lying to his uncle never had sat well with Jess. He doubted it ever would.

* * *

“Hey, Rory.” Luke smiled as she came into the diner around lunchtime.

Jess looked up from his book, a smile curving his lips at the sight of her. He had been working during breakfast in the hopes she might show, but then Lorelai came in for her usual coffee by herself, saying Rory was staying home. Jess hadn’t expected to be quite as disappointed as he really was, or as pleased to see Rory when she finally did show up. Of course, he had to remember that she wouldn’t know him, that they would have to start all over again from the beginning for a third time.

Just as soon as Luke went into the kitchen to get Rory some lunch, Jess shoved his book into his back pocket and abandoned the corner table to get back behind the counter.

“Hey there,” he greeted Rory with a winning smile.

“Hi,” she said, smiling back. “Um, I’m not sure you’re supposed to be back there...” she said, gesturing to where he was stood behind the counter.

“Actually, I am,” Jess told her. “I’m Luke’s nephew, Jess Mariano.”

“Oh, the famous Jess.” Rory grinned all the wider. “I had no idea you were coming to visit this summer. Wow, so nice to finally put a face to the name. I’m Rory Gilmore,” she said, holding out a hand for him to shake.

“Nice to meet you, Rory Gilmore,” he said genuinely, even if this was in fact the third time they had met. “ _Oliver Twist_ , huh?” he said of her book laid on the counter. “A classic.”

“I must’ve read it at least a dozen times,” she admitted. “Which probably sounds a little crazy to you.”

“Not really.” Jess shook his head, leaning on the counter beside her. “I mean, I don’t think I’ve ever given any of Dicken’s novels as many re-reads as that, but pick a Hemingway and the numbers get pretty high.”

When Rory made a face, Jess couldn’t help but laugh, even though he already knew what her reaction was going to be to dear old Ernest. She had been pretty vocal about her dislike for the guy’s writing, which was a part of the reason Jess brought him up. If it were possible, she was even more attractive to him when she was getting really passionate in her opinions about literature that she disliked as well as what she liked.

“I’m sorry, I’m just not a fan,” she admitted awkwardly.

“It’s a shame, because I’m sure Ernest only has lovely things to say about you,” he told her, watching her blush and thinking it was just the sweetest thing.

“What else do you read?” she asked then. “If you get through half as many books as I do, we must have more in common than just Dickens.”

Jess already knew that they did and started reeling off a few that he was sure she had enthused about in their last conversation. He threw in a couple he knew she would argue with him about too, because that was just fun, and goaded her into bringing up Rand so he got a chance to fight back, as it were. Not that anything got nasty, just fun and banter-filled conversation that he hoped went on for a good long while.

Luke did give Jess a warning look when he brought out Rory’s food, also making sure to remind him that he would need him to help when the lunch rush really kicked in, but that was okay. Until such time as he was really needed, Jess was happy to stick by Rory, just letting her go on and on about everyone from Jane Austen to Timothy Zahn.

When it was clear things were getting busy, Jess excused himself to get back to serving.

“I should probably go anyway, free up the seat for another customer,” said Rory regretfully, “but it was nice talking to you Jess,” she said, smiling widely. “Maybe I’ll see you again tomorrow and we can pick up where we left off?” she suggested, gathering her things ready to leave.

Jess opened his mouth to answer then closed it again fast. They couldn’t continue this conversation tomorrow because Rory wouldn’t remember they ever had it, but to tell her no was just going to hurt her feelings and that would be ten times worse than the lie he supposed.

“Sounds great,” he said after a while, not a lie as such, since he would absolutely love the chance she was offering, it was just such a shame it could never actually happen.

As she left the diner, waving as she went, Jess raised a hand to wave back and sighed as Rory disappeared from his sight.

“Maybe it’s not such a good idea that you two get friendly,” said Luke from beside him.

Jess physically flinched, having had no idea his uncle was there until he spoke.

“I didn’t say anything I shouldn’t and she’s perfectly happy,” he told Luke snippily. “What’s the problem?”

Luke sighed even as Jess walked away to clear tables. “Maybe it’s not just her I’m worried about.”


	3. Chapter 3

Since he had been told that Rory lived the same day every day, Jess had kind of assumed he would get the same reaction every time he tried to make friendly conversation. Unfortunately, that didn’t prove to be true.

“Huh. Charles Dickens fan?” he said, head tilting towards the cover of Rory’s book as she gave more attention to it than her breakfast.

“Excellent deduction, Sherlock,” she said snippily, barely glancing at him. “What’s next? The sky is blue?”

Jess was more than a little taken aback, but pressed on regardless, relying on his usual innate charm to win Rory around.

“I’m Jess, by the way, Luke’s nephew. You’re the famous Rory, right?”

“Famous?” she echoed, looking up at him. “Oh great, Luke has told you all the embarrassing stories about me before we even get a chance meet. Thanks a lot, Luke!” she suddenly called over to the counter.

Luke gave a double take and then frowned hard at Jess, clearly blaming him for Rory’s outburst. Honestly, he would blame himself, but Jess wasn’t sure what could possibly be making her so cranky. She wasn’t usually like that at all. Clearing his throat and he tried one more time.

“I promise Luke has only told me good things about you. He hasn’t told you anything embarrassing about me, right?”

“I guess not,” Rory said, looking thoughtful for a moment, before her eyes went back to her book.

She seemed to realise after just a line or two that Jess was still there and then she sighed, shoving the marker into her book and getting to her feet.

“I’m sorry,” she told Jess then. “It’s nice to meet you but I guess I’m just not in a getting-to-know-you mood today,” she explained, gathering up her things to leave. “I’m sure I’ll see you around,” she said, seemingly forcing a smile as she swept by him.

Jess watched her go, wincing when door slammed shut in her wake. He jumped a second time when a hand suddenly landed on his shoulder.

“Struck out, huh?” said Luke with a look as Jess glanced back at him.

“Hey, I wasn’t even trying to...” he began, though he could tell his uncle wouldn’t believe him even if he bothered to finish that sentence. “What is the matter with her anyway? She lives the same day over and over again, how can she be like a different person today?

“Jess, she doesn’t _know_ it’s the same day,” Luke reminded him. “It’s _not_ the same day, and whether Rory believes it is or not, that doesn’t mean she’s automatically in a good mood every morning. You’re not.”

As Luke walked away to clear more tables, Jess turned to look out through the front window and realised he could still see Rory in the distance. Given the direction she was headed, he would bet she was going to the lake. Luke had said she liked to hang out there sometimes, just sitting on the bridge with her books and her own thoughts. It seemed like a pretty good bet that was where he’d find her later, and Jess really would like another shot at talking to her today, see if he couldn’t mend the mess he already made of their ‘first meeting’, at least that was how Rory would see it.

In the meantime, of course, he had work to do.

* * *

Since Luke usually had enough staff to cover anyway, he didn’t actually need Jess to work all the time. He often volunteered, for the rush periods mostly, but today he cried off right after breakfast and disappeared from the diner without explanation. Not that he was required to explain where he was going these days. As a kid and even a teen, Jess always had to let Luke know where he was going and when he would be back. It was a little different now he was of age, though it seemed some people were still treating him like a kid.

“I don’t care, young man, you have to be twenty-one to purchase alcohol, and I’m not sure I believe that you are,” said Taylor Doose, hands clutching the two bottles of beer Jess had tried to purchase, along with a selection of snacks.

“Oh, come on,” Jess groaned, reaching into his pocket and pulling out his ID. “See, twenty-one. Closer to twenty-two actually,” he pointed to his date of birth clearly displayed.

Taylor relinquished his hold on the bottles to take a hold of the card and Jess watched as the owner of the grocery store turned his ID this way and that, rubbing at the ink as if he expected it to just come off at any moment. It was fully five minutes before he seemed completely satisfied that Jess was of age and allowed him to buy his beers.

“Thank you,” he said sarcastically as he finally left with his bag of groceries. “You crazy old man,” he added as he stepped out of the door.

“Don’t tell me, Taylor really went to town on your ID before he let you buy the beer?”

Jess glanced up and smiled widely when he saw who he had almost literally run into in the street outside Doose’s.

“Hey, Lane. How’ve you been?”

“Not bad. You know, started a rock band, got kicked out of my house, got engaged to a guitar player.”

Jess felt his eyes grow wider and wider with every single thing she said. “Okay, so the rock band I knew about, right? With that guy... Dan?” he checked, feeling uncertain.

“Dave,” Lane confirmed with a smile. “Yeah, now that I think about it, you guys did meet, and then Mama Kim found out about the band, I moved out, Dave left for college and never came back, and now I’m engaged to Zach. Do you remember Zach? Blond, cute, plays guitar?”

“Engaged to an amazing drummer, so I heard,” said Jess, smirking hard. “Wow, this is... It’s a lot to take in,” he admitted, shaking his head. “And trust me when I tell you, I’ve had plenty of that lately.”

“Ah, you finally met Rory.” Lane nodded in understanding, the smile disappearing all too quickly from her lips.

“I meet her a lot,” Jess agreed, knowing she had to understand.

“It’s tough what happened to her,” said Lane sadly. “Tough on all of us actually. You know me and Zach have to be so careful if we know she’s around.”

“She still thinks you’re dating Dave?”

“No, he was gone before the accident, like I said, he left for college,” she explained, “but Zach and me, that came after, way after, and since there is no after for Rory...”

“She can’t know about you and Zach.”

“Well, she can, but only if I lie a lot, and I really hate to do that to her.”

Jess nodded his understanding that time, and then was forced to heft his bag of groceries higher in his arms. Suddenly, the idea of going to find Rory at the lake didn’t appeal quite so much as it had before. Anything he said to her had to be a lie really, pretending he didn’t know her, since she really didn’t remember him at all. 

“I know it doesn’t matter, the lying,” Lane said, shaking her head. “I just try to keep it down to a dull roar, you know?”

“Yeah, I know what you mean,” Jess agreed.

“Anyway, I don’t wanna hold you up, but it’s great to see you, Jess.” Lane smiled. “Here, this is our address,” she said then, pulling a pen and old flyer from her pocket and scribbling onto the back. “You should come by some time, we can catch up properly and you can re-meet Zach and Brian.”

“Sounds good,” said Jess, before they finally parted.

Lane disappeared into the store and Jess made the decision that he actually would go to the lake and see if Rory was there. He figured he would take a leaf out of Lane’s book and just try to keep the lying to as much of a minimum as possible. Since Rory didn’t know anything much about Jess, there shouldn’t be too much that he had to hide or speak untruthfully about. He had the advantage that they only met a week ago rather than years before, like Lane or Luke or whoever else.

As he came through the trees towards the lake, Jess felt the air go out of his lungs at the sight of Rory, sat in the centre of the bridge with her book in her hands, the sun lighting her up like some kind of angelic being. The scene was the definition of picture perfect, so it was unsurprising that she took Jess’ breath away.

“Okay,” he said to himself, pressing forward onto the bridge.

He got within barely three feet of her before she suddenly looked up.

“Oh, hi,” she said awkwardly. “Jess, right?”

“That would be me,” he said, nodding his head. “I think we got off on the wrong foot this morning.”

Rory sighed and put a marker into her book before closing it. “I guess we did,” she agreed.

“Peace offering?” he said, showing her the bag of snacks in his arms. “Somebody told me this was where you liked to hang out, and since you abandoned your breakfast to get away from me and my big mouth this morning, I figured maybe you’d be hungry?”

Looking up to better see into the bag he held, Rory smiled. “How did you know I love Mallomars?”

“Lucky guess?” said Jess, shrugging his shoulders.

“Or Luke told you.”

“Or Luke told me,” he confessed with a smirk as he sat down a few feet away, placing the bag between them and beginning to empty its contents. “He pretty much said anything with chocolate was a winner.”

“The man knows his Gilmore girls.” Rory chuckled. “Thank you, Jess. This is very kind, and a lot of trouble to go to for someone you just met.”

Jess opened his mouth to answer that and then closed it again. As few lies as possible was better, so best not to agree that they had only just met when he knew better.

“Help yourself,” he insisted, urging her to dig into the food. “It’s mostly for you anyway.”

“Thanks,” Rory said again, reaching for a packet of chips.

Jess did the same, mostly just so he had something and wasn’t embarrassing Rory too much by watching her eat. He also uncapped the beers with an opener on his keychain, placing one by Rory and the other nearer himself.

Rory frowned. “That’s not soda.”

“No, it is not,” Jess confirmed, “but it’s after noon, so I figured-”

“How did you get these?” she cut in before he could finish, picking up the bottle and checking the label. “This is real beer, there’s no way Taylor sold this to you.”

“Well, he didn’t want to,” Jess admitted, not understanding what her problem was, “but you can’t argue with a real ID, so he kind of had to.”

Rory’s frown only deepened and Jess fought to understand why. The thought clicked in his head a second too late and by then Rory was already mad at him.

“You stole from Doose’s market?”

“No, I didn’t.”

“Jess, you had to. Taylor can spot a fake ID at ten paces, not that I know from experience, but I have seen other people get busted.”

“I didn’t give him a fake ID,” he said, knowing he was digging a deeper hole, but unable to help it if he was ever going to explain and stop her being mad at him.

“Wow. I know Luke always said there was a bit of the troublemaker in you, but stealing from the business right down the street from the diner?” Rory continued to complain.

“I didn’t steal the beer, Rory,” Jess insisted one more. “I bought it, with money. You wanna see the receipt?” he asked, digging in the paper bag in the hopes of finding it, though it didn’t seem to be there.

“Then you have a really, really impressive fake ID, and that’s not cool either, Jess.”

Laying his hand on the receipt at last, Jess had hoped to be triumphant, but his eyes landed on the date stamp at the bottom and he froze. He couldn’t show that to Rory and he couldn’t prove his ID was real either. Whatever path he chose here was going to reveal the actual date in the calendar. That would lead to what Luke called a bad day. Jess so didn’t want to cause that.

“I’m sorry,” he said at last, the truth in a sense, since he really was sorry for how this whole lunch date thing had turned out.

“I’m not really the one you should be apologising to, but okay,” Rory said, nodding once. “I guess you meant to do something nice, but thanks but no thanks on the beer. Stolen or not, I don’t really drink anyway,” she insisted, pushing the bottle away.

“Understood,” Jess agreed, looking down at the pile of food that no-one was eating anymore. “So, you want me to leave?” he checked, glancing up to see Rory staring back at him.

“I guess not,” she said, smiling slightly. “Like I said, you were obviously trying to be nice, and you were right, I am hungry, so...”

“So, I’ll stay, we’ll eat, and I promise not to break any laws, deal?”

Rory laughed, a beautiful sound to Jess’ ears, as she leaned in a little to grab the Mallomar box from near his knee.

“Deal,” she said, smiling widely still. “So, Jess, tell me about yourself. I mean, I know you’re Luke’s nephew and you’re my age, but that’s about it.”

“I like Dickens,” he said, nodding towards her abandoned book. “Also Hemingway, Ginsberg, Vonnegut, Salinger...”

“You can’t say Salinger unless you’ve read more than _Catcher in the Rye_ ,” said Rory with a look.

“My favourite is _Franny and Zooey_ ,” he countered.

“That’s my favourite too.” Rory smiled.

Of course, Jess already knew that, though it wasn’t why he said it exactly. It really was his favourite Salinger, as he had told Rory on two or three other occasions already. 

When they got deep into books, and then movies and music, it was easier not to have to lie, though keeping straight what was said in this conversation compared to others they’d had didn’t always come easy. Jess made the effort because Rory was worth it and he managed not to slip again for the rest of their lunch together.

“Well, this was great, but I should probably be getting home,” she said, scrambling to get up.

“I’ll walk you,” Jess insisted, gathering empty packets and boxes into the grocery bag.

“Oh, you don’t have to.” Rory shook her head.

“I’d like to.”

“Okay.”

They headed off towards the Gilmore girls’ home with Rory explaining that they jokingly nicknamed it the Crap Shack so many years before and how it just stuck. It was one tale Jess hadn’t heard yet, not from her or Luke or Lorelai, so it was pretty cool to have something new to listen to. Honestly though, he already knew Rory could tell him the same things over and over for the rest of time and he would be perfectly happy to nod along with as much interest as if it was the first time. Man, was he ever in trouble.

“This is it,” said Rory as they arrived at the house. “Home sweet home.”

“Nice place.” Jess nodded.

“We like it,” she agreed, turning to face him. “Thank you again for lunch, Jess, and for walking me back. It’s been fun.”

“It really has,” he agreed, meeting her eyes, dazzled again by the blueness of them. “Rory...”

He wasn’t even sure what he wanted to say, but he knew exactly what he wanted to do. If he tried to kiss her, he had no idea what her reaction would be, but since in her head they had only met this morning, it probably wouldn’t end well.

“Are you okay?” she asked, staring back at him. “You look a little... weird.”

“I’m fine,” Jess insisted, shaking his head. “I just... I had fun today too,” he said eventually, “so thank you for that.”

“You’re welcome?” said Rory uncertainly, turning towards the house.

She took two steps then suddenly doubled-back, taking Jess by surprise as she leaned in and planted a kiss on his cheek.

“I’m glad we finally met,” she said as she pulled back. “Maybe we can do this again sometime?”

“I’d like that.” Jess nodded, smiling back at her even as she did finally walk away.

Inside, his heart ached with the knowledge that, even if they did get the chance to do something similar on another occasion, Rory would never remember this day, or any other they spent together. It was a fool’s errand to keep on coming back here, to keep on ‘meeting’ Rory over and over, but he just couldn’t help himself. Jess Mariano was hooked.


	4. Chapter 4

Walking up to the front door of the Crap Shack, Jess took a deep breath before knocking. This would be his twelfth time of ‘meeting’ Rory Gilmore. For two weeks now he had run into her, almost every day, mostly by design, occasionally by accident, at the diner, at the bridge over the lake, all kinds of places. Each time, he had to play the part of a man she didn’t know and had never met before, and each time, she was as beautiful, amazing, and captivating as the one before.

Of course, she never recalled a single detail of their conversation from the previous occasion, but somehow, Jess didn’t care about that. He just wanted to be near her, to talk to her, to be in her presence whenever he could, and though Luke had warned him to be careful more than a few times, Jess continued in his efforts to win Rory over each and every day.

This morning, she hadn’t come into the diner for breakfast and she wasn’t in any of the usual places that he had found her on other days - the lake, the bookstore, at Lane’s house - so he tried her home. Unfortunately, it wasn’t Rory that answered his knock, it was her mom.

“Hey,” he greeted Lorelai with a winning smile.

Her response was less positive as she frowned at him, glancing back into the house before speaking in a low voice. “What are you doing here, Jess?”

“I came to see Rory,” he said, shrugging his shoulders, wondering how that wasn’t obvious given how things had gone the past two weeks. “Well, to _meet_ Rory, I guess, from her perspective anyway. So, can I come in?”

“In a minute.” Lorelai sighed, stepping out onto the porch next to him and pulling the door almost closed behind her. “Jess... Look, Luke spent years telling me what a great kid you were and clearly you’ve grown up into a really nice guy, I’m not denying that,” she said in that almost-too-fast way that both the Gilmore girls had a habit of using. “I also think it’s great that you’re going along with the whole same-day-over-again set-up that we have for Rory. It means a lot, it really does, from the bottom of my heart, thank you for that,” she said definitely, “but I just... I don’t understand why you’re doing this.”

“Doing what?” he asked shaking his head.

Lorelai looked at him closely, like she was trying to take him apart from the inside out and figure out how he worked. It was a little disturbing actually.

“Coming around to see her, making sure you run into her, taking time out to sit with her and chat every time she comes into the diner,” she listed then. “Why, Jess?”

Jess ran a hand back through his hair and glanced away. “I thought I was being nice,” he said, not a complete lie, but not exactly the whole truth either.

“Yes, you are being nice,” said Lorelai with a knowing look, “but it’s more than that, isn’t it? Jess, honey, I get it,” she said her hand on his arm. “I promise you, I do get it, and if this were a normal situation, then I would be so happy to have you and Rory be friends, or more-than-friends, or whatever you both wanted to be,” she assured him. “You’d have my blessing - mazel tov; go with God; be young, be foolish, be happy.”

“But?” said Jess, just knowing there was going to be one, if for no other reason than the fact she was rambling in that way he had learnt both Gilmore girls did when they were just starting to spiral.

“But this is not a normal situation!” she said, like it ought to have been so obvious to him, which of course it was, but still. “I could not love Rory more, she is my life and the best girl in the whole world,” said Lorelai desperately, “but... but she is never going to be... normal,” she said awkwardly. “You can’t have a future with her, Jess, and I sure as hell won’t stand by and see her hurt.”

That last part had Jess frowning in a second. “Lorelai, the last thing in the world I would ever wanna do is hurt Rory,” he promised her. “Look, I understand how hard this is on you.”

“Do you?”

“Yes,” he retorted just as snippily as she had. “Come on, you and Luke being engaged and Rory always thinking you’re barely dating? Lane told me she has it rough enough just keeping her boyfriend a secret so Rory doesn’t wonder what the hell is going on,” he said, moderating his tone when Lorelai glanced back into the house, reminding him Rory could easily overhear if she came too close to the door. “It’s hard for everybody,” he continued in a lower voice, “and even though it’s on a smaller scale, it’s even hard for me, but I can’t help it. Every day I have to start over with Rory and that is not easy, but she’s worth it. She’s really worth it.”

Jess stared at Lorelai and she stared right on back for a second or two, then she sighed one more time. “I know that she’s worth it,” she admitted. “And I see I am not going to be able to stop you from talking to her or doing whatever it is you’re doing, but I have two points I wanna make clear before I let you in this house today, okay?”

“Okay.” Jess nodded once, wondering what on earth there was left to say.

“Number one,” Lorelai counted on her pointer finger, “you can’t go into this blind, Jess. Rory’s condition, it’s forever. This isn’t a fairytale. She’s not going to magically wake up one morning and be back to normal. True love’s kiss is not gonna break the great memory curse.”

“I know that,” Jess confirmed. “What’s number two?”

“Number two is...” Lorelai faltered with one hand gripping the second finger of the other. “Well, I know that it’d be pretty easy for you to... to make use of Rory,” she said, presumably the most delicate way she could find to say it and even then, it looked as if she made herself feel very awkward. “I mean, let’s face it, you could treat her not-so-well one day and she’d get mad or upset, but hey presto, next morning, she wouldn’t even know you fought or... well, whatever you did.”

Jess had a feeling they weren’t just talking about getting into a fight or saying things he shouldn’t, but he didn’t want to make this any worse than it had gotten so far.

“I already told you that the last thing I ever wanna do is hurt Rory,” he repeated solemnly. “Come on, you don’t believe me?”

“I do believe you,” Lorelai told him, nodding her head. “She’s just... she means so much to me, Jess, and she’s already been through so much, whether she knows it or not.”

“Lorelai, I can’t make Rory any promises, or I could, but she wouldn’t know that I had, so there really wouldn’t be much point,” he explained, “but I can make one to you instead. I promise you that I will never deliberately hurt Rory in any way. You have my word on that. Good enough?” he checked, head tilting to one side as he watched her, waiting on her answer.

“Okay, good enough,” she agreed then. “I mean, you looked kinda like Luke when you said that, and I trust him with my life, so...” She shrugged her shoulders in a ‘What can you do?’ kind of way then moved back to grab the door and open it wide. “I guess you better come inside.”

Jess was smiling as he thanked her and stepped over the threshold into the Crap Shack. Lorelai followed him, yelling down the hallway towards Rory’s room.

“Hey, kid? Come on out here, there’s somebody who wants to meet you.”

* * *

In a lot of ways, it was very much like every other day they had spent together, and yet, somehow, it also felt different. Jess knew it could only be him that was feeling that way. After a couple of weeks, spending so much time in Rory’s company, he supposed it was pretty normal to start to feel a connection. Of course, just as Lorelai had said, Rory wasn’t exactly the definition of ‘normal.’ To her, this was the first day she ever spent with Jess and no doubt she wasn’t feeling anything much for him, and yet, there was something.

Jess told himself he was imagining it. After his serious talk with Lorelai and the promises he made, he guessed that was what made him think things between him and Rory were more than they really were. At the same time, he thought maybe it was more than that, he thought she was just a little different somehow, a little flirtier, a little more inclined to be closer.

It was true enough that people were not the same every day, not even Rory who essentially lived the same day every time she woke up in the morning. Sometimes, for no real reason at all, you could wake up in a bad mood or a good mood or an angry mood. Today, Rory seemed to be in a very good and kind of flirty mood, and Jess didn’t mind at all.

“You know, you didn’t have to buy me the ice-cream. It’s the twenty first century, I could’ve paid for myself, or even for both of us,” she said as they walked along, enjoying the sunshine.

“Yes, you could have,” Jess agreed. “Doesn’t mean I was going to let you.”

Rory giggled. “I know you said you’d read Jane Austen, but you don’t strike me as the Mr Darcy type,” she said, looking sideways at him.

“You had a different character in mind?” he checked, intrigued now she had started this.

“I don’t know.” Rory shrugged, putting her attention back on her ice-cream. “From the way Luke used to talk about you, your pranks and your attitude sometimes when you were young, me and Mom decided you were Holden Caulfield,” she said, grinning too much, “but now that I’ve met you and I guess you’ve grown up some... I don’t know, I don’t think there’s just one character that does you justice.”

“I don’t know whether to take that as a compliment or not,” Jess considered, catching his ice cream before it melted onto his hand. “Is undefinable a compliment?”

“I didn’t say you were undefinable,” Rory told him. “I just said you can’t be summed up in one literary character. If someone told me that, I’d take it as a compliment.”

“Someone should tell you that, because it’s probably true,” said Jess, smiling at her. “I think it would take me a long time to completely figure you out, Rory Gilmore,” he told her honestly.

At that, she smiled widely. “Well, if you’re here for the whole summer, I guess you’ll have all the time you need. It might be fun to try and figure each other out.”

Something about the way she said it and the look on her face was vaguely suggestive, or maybe Jess was just imagining things, transferring all that he felt for Rory onto her and assuming she felt it too. That would be practically impossible in the circumstances, with her believing she first met him only a few hours before.

“You know, it’s weird having a guy I can talk to about books,” she said as they walked further into town, munching on those ice-creams that they both agreed were so much better in cones. “Dean, my boyfriend in high school, he was never all that interested, unless it was Hunter S. Thompson,” she explained. “I thought when I got to Yale there would be more literary minded people.”

“And there aren’t?” Jess asked her curiously.

“There are, I guess.” Rory shrugged. “But I haven’t... well, it’s been kind of a strange year. I guess you have to expect that, being a Freshman. It’s tough enough getting used to being away from home so much, living with dormmates, learning in a new way. I haven’t really dated much.”

“Huh.” said Jess, putting all his attention on finishing up his ice-cream.

He hadn’t given much thought to Rory’s dating experience and they had never really talked about it. Since they met anew each day, it was quite the personal topic to get into, but Rory started it, so he felt okay about pushing further.

“So, what happened to Dean?”

“Oh, you know, we just... grew apart.” Rory shrugged again, pushing the last bite of her ice-cream cone into her mouth and chewing thoughtfully. “I actually thought I’d miss him more than I do, but like I said, with so much going on at Yale...”

“You don’t have time to miss him?”

Rory nodded and found her smile again. “You’re really good at this.”

“Good at what?” Jess asked her.

“I don’t know. Listening, talking, understanding what I’m trying to say. Not everybody does.”

“Maybe we’re kindred spirits,” he said, only half-joking.

“Hmm, maybe we are,” she said, meeting his eyes and stopping walking very suddenly. “Or maybe we’ve met before.”

Jess was sure his heart stopped beating completely when she said those words, but it started again very quickly, and painfully, when she continued.

“Maybe I do know you. Maybe we walked together... once upon a dream,” she said, a melody sneaking into her words as she laughed.

Jess laughed too, he didn’t know what else to do, never so pained to hear a Disney song quoted in all of his life. It would have been so great to think that somehow, magically, Rory knew him from before, that she recalled meeting him all those times over, and like a gut-punch to realise that tiny piece of ridiculous hope had just been snatched away, even faster than it had appeared.

“Huh. _Sleeping Beauty._ Nice reference.”

“It’s a classic.” Rory smiled. “And now I know you’re the kind of guy that know his Disney princesses.”

“Does that make you like me more or less than you did five minutes ago?” he asked her with a smirk.

Rory stared at him for a moment and then leaned in temptingly close to whisper to him. “Maybe if you want to hang out again tomorrow, I’ll tell you then.”

Jess closed his eyes a second and fought the urge to scream. Tomorrow, when she wouldn’t even know who he was any more. Maybe Lorelai had a point this morning, maybe he should’ve listened.

“If I promise to come around tomorrow, can’t you just tell me now anyway?” he asked, meeting her eyes, the bright blue depths and her amazing smile reminding him why he hadn’t listened to Lorelai at all.

“You’re a good guy, Jess Mariano,” she told him then, still close enough that he might have kissed her if he’d dared, if he didn’t think, even today, she might slap his face and bolt. “Don’t ask me exactly how I know that, but I do,” she said knowingly.

“That’s what you think?” he checked, daring to shift closer.

“No, I didn’t say ‘I think’,” Rory reminded him. “I said ‘I know.’”

Jess just couldn’t take it anymore, and damn it, it wasn’t as if she would be mad at him for long if he got this wrong. He wasn’t breaking his promise to Lorelai, because he wasn’t setting out to hurt Rory, he just couldn’t not be kissing her right now. Shifting forward, he pressed his lips against her own and hoped for the best. Strangely enough, he didn’t seem to have surprised her, and she sure as heck wasn’t fighting to get away. She kissed him back, just for a few seconds, and then pulled away, smiling brighter than the sun.

“I’ll see you tomorrow, Jess,” she said, turning to walk down the driveway.

“See you tomorrow, Rory,” he replied in kind, dazed by the kiss, astounded to realise they had been outside of her house this whole time without him even noticing.

The truth was that Jess only had eyes for Rory, and damn it, if he wasn’t falling in love with her then he had no idea what else these feelings crashing around inside of him could be. He was practically flying as she turned around on the porch to wave at him and he waved back, right before she disappeared into the house.

Of course, Jess came crashing back to earth in no time at all when he remembered that, although he would see Rory tomorrow, just like they said, she wouldn’t remember a thing about today. In fact, if Jess up and left town - which he was going to have to eventually - Rory would never even miss him. Nothing hurt more than that.


	5. Chapter 5

It was almost a month since Jess first arrived in Stars Hollow to spend some time with his Uncle Luke, but quite honestly, the guys hadn’t seen a whole lot of each other. Most days, Jess ran into Rory, one way or another, and they spent much of the day together. There had been a few times when she went to visit with her grandparents or Lorelai spent the day with her instead, but most times, it was Rory and Jess, all over town, like a young couple in love.

Of course, that wasn’t exactly what they were. Though Jess was sure by now that, despite his own good sense, he was head-over-heels for Rory, there was no way she could feel so deeply about him, not when she met him anew every single day. Not that she wasn’t attracted to him. Jess knew for sure that she liked him and if they could just build on their previous progress, something great was bound to come out of it. Unfortunately, that just wasn’t possible. Every night when Rory slept her brain reset and so there was never a second meeting or a second date, just a first one, over and over.

That said, they had kissed a few times. The first time, he chanced his arm and kissed her, on a day when she was being particularly fun and flirty, and she definitely kissed back. The second time, it was her that initiated it, something Jess really hadn’t been expecting, but he went with it all the same. There were a couple more times after that and every ‘first kiss’ was just as good and yet just as painful as the one before, because the next day, she never knew it happened and Jess had to pretend it never had.

More than once he had considered just packing his bags and heading home. It would be easier on everyone, Jess knew, himself included, but somehow, he just couldn’t do it.

When he arrived in the Hollow, Luke told him he could stay as long as he wanted, and Jess had said it would probably be around a month. Now those four weeks had passed and quite honestly, he couldn’t imagine leaving. He wondered if he would ever feel ready to walk away from Rory Gilmore. Somehow, he doubted it.

Today was a little different to the many that had come before, because they had actually dared to venture outside of Stars Hollow. Of course, Jess knew it was a risk. There were a lot more people and places that could tip Rory off to the fact it was not in fact June 3rd 2004, but when he came by the house to ‘meet’ her and they got talking about books, she had gone on and on about this great store in Hartford that he just had to see. Since Jess had quickly found he could deny her nothing, he agreed to let her drive him.

The book store was as impressive as she claimed, chockful of first editions, signed copies, and the most obscure titles. The owner was some kind of rare book savant, who seemed to have memorised every detail of every strange book in his store, right down to the ISBN. Jess was more than a little impressed and loved spending the day with Rory amongst hundreds of books they could pore over and discuss.

“Thanks for bringing me here,” he said, leaned up against a bookshelf as he watched her run her finger along the spines of another row of leather-bound rarities. “It’s great.”

“When I realised you were as into books as I am, I knew you’d appreciate it,” said Rory, glancing at him with a winning smile on her lips. “I brought my boyfriend here once, my _ex_ -boyfriend,” she clarified, blushing slightly as she said it. “He was... underwhelmed to say the least.”

“Huh.” Jess nodded once. “So, good taste in women, bad taste in books?”

Rory’s cheeks turned a little more pink at the compliment. “Something like that.”

“Well then, I guess I’m doing better than him,” he said, leaning in closer on the pretext of reaching past Rory. “I have good taste in both,” he said, smirking as he waved the book at her that he just retrieved from behind her head.

“Oh my God, I love this!” she gasped as she snatched it from his hands, seemingly realising what she had done a second too late. “Sorry, you wanted it.”

“Keep it,” he said, shaking his head. “I grabbed it for you anyway,” he assured her.

“How did you even know I wanted it?” she asked, looking at him with wonder and confusion both.

Jess opened his mouth to answer that but then closed it again fast. He really, really hated to lie to her and tried, every day, to keep it to a minimum. Of course, he couldn’t tell her the truth either, because that would mean confessing that she was the one who told him she had wanted a hardback version of Madame Bovary days before, something she had no memory of.

“I have a gift,” he said instead, shrugging his shoulders. “Point me at a beautiful woman and I’ll tell you what book she wants most in the world,” he said with a smile.

“You are just full of compliments,” she said, giggling as she pushed her hair back behind her ear. “You should be careful. Some girl is going to take you seriously one day.”

“Maybe that’s what I’m hoping for,” he told her, regretting it immediately.

They just met today, to Rory anyway, and it was clear she was a little overwhelmed by him coming on so strong, at least, it seemed that way to her. Shaking her head slightly, perhaps out of confusion or denial, she was soon telling Jess she was going to pay for her book and then maybe they should go. He agreed with her decision, though the moment she walked by him towards the counter, his eyes fell shut and he cursed himself for being so dumb.

Five minutes later, they were heading outside, just in time to see a meter maid walking away from the car, having a stuck a parking ticket on it.

“Oh, no!” Rory gasped, rushing to look.

Jess hurried after her, catching up just as she pulled the ticket from under her wiperblade, reading it aloud.

“That’s not fair!” she said, waving the ticket in Jess’ face. “How is that fair? The sign says you can park here from 9.00 to 5.00, Monday through Friday!”

“It does,” Jess agreed, not knowing how to explain why the ticket was justified, since today was in fact a Saturday. “Rory, look...”

“Oh, I get it now. That meter maid is drunk or high or something,” she said, gesturing some more. “Look at the date he wrote on here,” she insisted, getting Jess to look. “Excuse me!” she started yelling then, chasing after the meter maid as Jess looked on, clutching her ticket in his hand still.

“This is not good,” he said to himself, noting the correct day and time in the ‘issued at’ box on the ticket.

Rory thought it was June 3rd, 2004, just like always. It was truly ridiculous to her that some guy issued her a ticket dated July 22nd, 2006. Realising she had actually caught up to the meter maid and was now bringing him back to her vehicle, Jess’ mind began to race with how on earth he was supposed to get out of this one, without the resulting ‘bad day’ that Luke had warned him about almost a month ago now.

“See, the sign clearly says free parking, Monday through Friday. Today is Thursday. Also, it’s June 3rd, not July 22nd, and you didn’t even get the year right!” she explained, grabbing the ticket from Jess to prove her point to the bemused looking man.

“Ma’am, I don’t know what you’re trying to pull, but the correct date is there on your ticket,” said the meter maid. “I suggest you take it on the chin, be an adult about it, and pay your fine.”

“No, I can’t pay this fine. This ticket isn’t even valid!” Rory insisted, starting to get really mad.

“Rory, we should probably just go home,” Jess urged her, mouthing a ‘sorry’ to the meter maid when Rory turned away.

He shook his head and waved his hand in a ‘no worries’ gesture even as he moved to walk back down the street. Though Rory let the guy go, she clearly wasn’t letting go of the principle. Jess hadn’t really expected her to.

“I get it, I do,” he promised her, “but seriously, let’s just go back to Stars Hollow and figure things out there. Talk to your mom maybe, she’ll probably know what to do.”

“It’s just so ridiculous.” Rory continued to shake her head even as she got into the car and pulled on her seatbelt. “How do these people get a job with responsibility like that when they don’t even know what day it is?”

“I don’t know what to tell you,” said Jess honestly, leaning his head on the passenger window and hoping to avoid any and all further questions, at least until they got back to Rory’s house.

* * *

“Hey, sweets, what’s up?” asked Lorelai, the moment Rory came rushing into the house with Jess on her heels.

“What’s up is the parking authorities in Hartford!” she said definitely, shoving the ticket into her mom’s face. “Look at this, it’s crazy! The metre maid must’ve been on drugs or something.”

Lorelai looked at the ticket and then glanced beyond Rory at Jess who shifted awkwardly in place, his hands stuffed deep in his pockets. He felt horrible, like it was all his fault, and yet, he knew it really wasn’t. It was Rory’s idea to go out and he was hardly in a position to stop her. He had done his best to calm her down but he just didn’t know where to begin.

“Jess?” Lorelai called to him then. “Could you, uh, could you go get the book from the apartment please?”

He wanted to say no. He had really hoped Lorelai would have some ready-made excuse to hand to explain away the ticket and make this all okay, but clearly not. She had her hand to her forehead like she felt the world’s worst headache coming on, and honestly, Jess could relate. His stomach was in a hundred knots making him feel so sick, but there was no good way out of this, it seemed.

“You sure?” he checked.

“I’m sure,” Lorelai confirmed. “It’s the only way.”

Nodding his agreement, Jess headed for the front door, hearing Rory ask what was going on, just before he made it out of the house. He really didn’t want to hear what came next and yet he knew that in just a few minutes he would be heading back into the fray and it was not going to be pretty.

Jess couldn’t exactly say he hadn’t been warned. Luke, Lorelai, even Lane and some other folks in town, they had let him know exactly how bad the bad days were with Rory. He just told himself he would make sure they avoided those bad days at all costs and, so far, it had worked. Apparently, his luck had to run out eventually.

“Hey,” said Luke as he came into the diner. “You okay?”

“Not really.” Jess shook his head. “Lorelai needs me to take the book over to the house.”

“Aww, geez.” Luke face-palmed then rushed to the stairs.

Ten minutes later, the diner had been closed and Luke and Jess went back to the Crap Shack together. They could hear the screaming long before they reached the front door, and Babette was on her own front porch next door, wearing a sympathetic look.

“You need me, sugar, just let me know,” she told Luke kindly.

“Thanks, Babette,” he told her, before letting himself and Jess inside.

It was bad. Worse than Jess could’ve imagined, as Rory cried and raged and eventually ran to her room to hide away. It seemed to break her entirely, hearing the truth of what had once happened to her, learning that her life as it stood right now was essentially a lie. 

Jess sat on the couch, staring at the book left open and abandoned on the coffee table now, as Lorelai tried to talk to Rory and Luke tried to help as best he could. The picture of Rory in the hospital with the bandage around her head made Jess’ stomach churn and the sound of her crying in her room only made it worse.

“Just come sit down,” Luke was telling Lorelai as he settled her in the armchair. “You know all she really needs right now is time. It’s a lot to take in.”

“I know.” Lorelai sighed. “God, we were doing so well. It’s been weeks since she had a day like this.”

“Yeah, I know.” Luke nodded, leaning down to kiss the top of her head. “I’ll get you some coffee. You need anything, Jess?” he asked his nephew then.

“No, thanks.” He waved away his uncle’s words, closing the book on the table, unable to stomach the sight of it anymore. “I’m sorry,” he told Lorelai then. “I never meant-”

“It’s not your fault,” she promised, finding him a smile, albeit a very weak one. “It happens sometimes. I know you didn’t do it on purpose.”

Jess nodded in agreement, and somewhat in gratitude for her understanding too but none of it made him feel all that much better actually.

“So,” said Lorelai then. “Sure you still want to keep doing this, now you’ve seen how bad it gets?”

“Honestly?” he said, looking down the hall towards Rory’s room and then back at Lorelai. “Yes. I’m probably more sure now than I was before. I mean, this is bad, don’t get me wrong. It kills me to know how upset she is, but... but this last month with her has been amazing. Would I give all that up just so I didn’t have to have this one bad day?” he said, shaking his head. “No, she’s worth it.”

Lorelai smiled more genuinely at that, though she didn’t say anything else. Luke came back in with her coffee, which she thanked him for, and the three of them sat in silence for a little while. There really wasn’t anything anyone could say, they were all just waiting on Rory.

“How long does it usually take?” said Jess after a while.

“It varies.” Lorelai shrugged. “Sometimes she won’t come out of her room for the rest of the day, cries herself to sleep in there and wakes up not knowing anything happened. Other times, she finds the silver lining on the big old black cloud and wants to make the most of the time she has before it all resets again.”

Jess opened his mouth to speak again just as Rory’s bedroom door clicked open and she stepped out. She crept down the hall, arms hugging herself, face red and tear-stained, and yet she was managing a small smile.

“Hi,” she said, looking mostly at Jess.

“Hi,” he replied. “How’re you feeling?”

“Weird,” she admitted. “Overwhelmed. Um, could I ask you some questions?” she asked then, shifting awkwardly in place.

“Sure,” Jess agreed, moving over on the couch so she could sit down.

“We’ll just... be in the kitchen,” said Lorelai, getting up and grabbing Luke’s hand, dragging him away with her.

Rory watched them go and then turned back to Jess. “So, Mom didn’t tell me exactly how things are with us, but I’m guessing I met you long before today. How many times?”

“Pretty much every day for about a month now,” Jess admitted, watching her eyes go wide.

“Wow,” Rory gasped. “That’s... You come here, every day, on purpose, to meet me?”

“Not always here,” he explained, shaking his head. “Sometimes, you come into the diner, other times, I come here, or I look for you at the lake or in the bookstore.”

“On purpose?” she checked again.

“On purpose.” Jess nodded.

So many emotions seemed to pass over Rory’s face when she heard that, Jess wasn’t sure he could really tell what she was feeling. She had heard a lot today, had to get her head around so much. He figured he should be the smallest part of that, and yet, it was him she wanted to talk to.

“Is every day like today?” she asked then. “Do we... go out?”

“We do whatever you wanna do.” Jess shrugged. “Sometimes we just talk for a while about books or movies or whatever. Sometimes we get lunch together or go to the bookstore. Today was the first time we went out of Stars Hollow... which obviously didn’t work out too well,” he said, pushing a hand back through his hair. “I’m sorry, Rory.”

“No, don’t be sorry,” she urged him. “It sounds like you’re pretty understanding and cool about this whole crazy situation. God, you must be the most patient guy in the world,” she said then, briefly covering her face with her hands. “We’ve been seeing each other for a month but... but for me, it’s always the first day, so I’m guessing nothing has ever really happened,” she said, wincing horribly with embarrassment.

Jess tried to keep the smirk off his face but failed badly. “We, uh, we kissed a few times. Sometimes, you actually started it, so maybe you’re not as shy as you think you are,” he told her, glad to hear her laugh in response, even if it was a nervous giggle.

“Wow, apparently not,” she said, turning pink. “How do you...? Jess, how many times have we had this conversation?”

“This is the first time,” he assured her. “I got lucky, I guess. This is the first bad day you’ve had since I came here to visit.”

His eyes went to the book on the table for a moment and Rory’s gaze followed his own. She looked as green as he felt then and instead they both seemed to make the same decision at the same moment to look at each other again instead.

“Well, at least you’ve been getting something out of all this,” she said, barely able to look him in the eye even now. “A handful of kisses in a month, I guess it could be worse, but I still feel bad. You put in all this effort, every day, and mostly get nothing out of it.”

“It’s not nothing,” Jess assured her, his hand on her arm before he even really thought it through. “Rory, spending time with you... it’s so far from nothing,” he admitted, meeting her eyes. “Sure, it’s frustrating sometimes, having to start over every day, but I happen to think you’re worth the effort. You’re amazing, Rory, and... and I love you.”

She looked truly bowled over by his confession and, honestly, Jess was feeling much the same. He wasn’t entirely aware of how deep his feelings ran for Rory until she actually asked him about it, then it just came out, but it was true, it had to be.

In his whole life, Jess had never felt like this about anybody before, but Rory was just so different to any other woman he ever met, and that wasn’t because of her memory or lack of same, it was just her. She was everything to him.

“Um, okay,” she said after a while. “This is so weird to ask but... well, do I love you?” she asked, looking so nervous about it.

“I don’t know,” Jess told her honestly. “I mean, you never told me, but then, you don’t ever remember me, so...”

“Oh, God.”

One more lone tear streaked down Rory’s cheek and Jess reached out to wipe it away with his thumb.

“Hey, it’s okay,” he promised her. “It’s not your fault. It’s nobody’s fault, actually, it just... it is what it is, you, me.”

“You and me,” she said, leaning her cheek into his hand that still lingered there. “It’s so strange but that sounds... right. It feels right, even though I really don’t remember anything about us, except for today. That has to mean something, right?”

“I’d like to think so.” Jess nodded, even though he wasn’t sure he could believe it.

The next thing he knew, Rory was moving closer and then her lips were on his and she was kissing him like she meant it. He kissed her back, arms going around her, holding her close as the moment went on. Jess hadn’t thought anything could feel better than the times they had kissed before, but this, knowing she knew everything and still wanted to pursue whatever the hell this was, that meant so much.


	6. Chapter 6

“Seeing her like that, when she found out we were all lying to her and everything, it was just... I could live with never going through that again,” said Jess definitely, “but I can handle it, if it means being with Rory. You should’ve seen her after, when she got her head around everything. For those few hours, she was so happy.”

“I’ve seen it before.” Lane nodded. “It is very cool.”

Jess thought the smile on his friend’s face as she handed him his tea and joined him on the couch was all about Rory’s happiness, but it seemed a little overly much for just that.

“What?”

“Nothing,” she said, waving away his question with her free hand, but he wasn’t letting go that easily and they both knew it. “Okay, so it’s something, but seriously, Jess, you should see the look on your face when you talk about Rory.”

“It’s pretty dreamy, dude,” Zach agreed, blowing on his too-hot beverage. “You got it bad, huh?”

“I guess so,” Jess admitted. “You think I’m crazy?”

“No,” said Lane definitely. “Not crazy. I actually think it’s pretty amazing that you’re so dedicated. Not that I expect you to be flaky or anything, it’s just... well, Rory’s situation is rough on everybody. I would not have blamed you for walking away by now, and it’s not as if you’d be hurting her if you did. As hard as it is for me to say and for you to hear, if you did leave...”

“She would have no idea I was ever here in the first place.” Jess sighed, putting his mug down on the table. “I know.”

“So, okay, I gotta ask,” said Zach then, side-eyeing Lane a little nervously before he actually pressed forward with his question to Jess. “Dude, what are you getting out of this deal? I mean, sure, you spend time with Rory and she’s cool, don’t get me wrong, but starting over every day? You never... you know, make any progress.”

“Sometimes it feels like I actually do,” Jess admitted, shaking his head in the very next second. “And that part is definitely crazy, I know. It’s not like Rory is magically going to remember me when nothing else ever sticks, but... I don’t know, man. All I know is, somehow, in ways I can’t even explain, it is all worth it just to spend time with her. Rory’s... special, and even though I know it’s going nowhere and never will, I can’t help it. I love her.”

Lane put her tea down and looked everywhere but at Jess. He couldn’t fail to notice how uncomfortable she had become, and then she looked at Zach and he looked back at her, something significant passing between them. Jess opened his mouth to ask what was up, but before he could, Zach spoke instead.

“Babe, you gotta tell him,” he insisted, even as Lane squirmed in her seat.

“Tell me what?” asked Jess, glancing between them.

Eventually, Lane let out a huff of a sigh and then got up and walked away. She was gone only a minute before she returned with a shoebox between her hands and a very conflicted look on her face.

“I am not supposed to be telling you this,” she said to Jess, fixing him with a look that made him feel like he’d done something wrong, even though it seemed to be Zach who insisted Lane spill whatever secret this was. “When you spend time with Rory... well, I don’t know how much she really remembers about you, but it does have an effect.”

“An effect?” Jess echoed, frowning as he watched Lane take the lid off the box she had since put onto the coffee table. “How?”

“Rory has always been a writer, but since she met you her writing has... changed,” Lane explained, pulling a sheaf of papers from the box and handing them over to Jess. “Sometimes it’s poems or short stories, but they all seem to have a theme.”

Jess flipped through the pages, all different colours and sizes, some from a legal pad, others random scraps, one was even a napkin from the diner. Each one seemed to describe either a guy that looked or acted a lot like Jess, or was something about a girl meeting a stranger and having a love-at-first-sight kind of connection with him.

“So, when she meets me, she likes me.” Jess shrugged. “I already knew that.”

Lane shook her head. “Some of this stuff she wrote on days she never even met you at all,” she explained. “I know for a fact that this one,” she said, pulling a piece of paper from the stack and showing him, “she wrote right here. She came over to hang out with me, and Zach was in the next room, messing around on his guitar. She wrote lyrics for the music she was hearing.”

Jess read the words and his eyes went wide. This was definitely a love song and the guy it was for sounded an awful lot like him, but if Rory had written it on a day that they never met...?

“That’s a good lyric,” Zach pointed out, clearly having read it himself at some point. “I still think we should’ve used it.”

“Zach!” Lane admonished him. “You can’t just take Rory’s words and not tell her, and obviously, we can’t tell her,” she said, rolling her eyes.

“But now you’re telling me,” said Jess, getting her attention back. “Why?”

“Because you have a right to know,” Lane insisted. “It’s obvious you really care about Rory a lot and it was hurting you to think she doesn’t know you and never will. Lorelai asked me to keep these here because, obviously, Rory can’t know they exist, but she also asked me not to tell you because... because she didn’t want to give you false hope, but Zach’s right, we had to tell you,” she said definitely. “Because what if it’s not false hope? What if this is the beginning of something changing for Rory? What if her memory really can come back?”

Jess meant to tell her that was impossible. After all, it was what Luke and Lorelai had both told him, in no uncertain terms. He had even seen the doctor’s words that said the same thing, it was right there in the book they showed Rory on her bad days. There was no fixing Rory’s condition, they all knew that, and yet the paper he held in his hands seemed to tell Jess they were all wrong. She did remember something, somehow. Now, what the hell did that mean?

The question was still plaguing Jess long after he left Lane and Zach’s place and headed back to the diner apartment. With Luke downstairs working, Jess was left to think too much, to ponder on things he probably would’ve been better off letting go of, and yet.

Hours later, Luke came upstairs to ask his nephew if he wanted anything to eat and found Rory’s ‘bad day’ book laid out on the table, while Jess scribbled furiously in a legal pad.

“What are you doing with that?”

Jess looked up as if he was surprised to see his uncle, then checked his watch and shook his head in amazement. He hadn’t realised quite how long he had been working on this particular project. Of course, ready or not, he knew he had to explain it to Luke now that he was asking.

“I had this idea,” he said, moving the pencil back and forth through his fingers, somewhere between a nervous habit and a magic trick that soon drove Luke to distraction.

He whipped the pencil out of Jess’ hand and slammed it on the table.

“Tell me the idea,” he said, side-eyeing the book and pad on the table.

Jess took a deep breath and began. “I was thinking about those days when you have to tell Rory the truth. I know you call them her bad days, and after seeing how upset she got the last time, I do get it, but what if it didn’t have to be that way? What if every day wasn’t just a good day or a bad day and you don’t know which until you get there? What if every day was a truthful day?”

“Okay, you lost me already,” Luke admitted, looking genuinely baffled as he sat down in the chair on the opposite side of the table. “You wanna tell Rory the truth about what is wrong with her? Because that doesn’t sound like any good days to me.”

“That’s the thing, I don’t know that knowing she has a memory problem is what really gets to Rory,” said Jess, shaking his head. “And I get that you and Lorelai know her and her condition so much better than I do, but sometimes you need an outsider to really see what’s going on, right?”

“Maybe,” Luke conceded, gesturing for Jess to go on and explain himself some more.

“So, from what Rory said after she found out the truth the last time, what bothered her more than her medical issues is the fact she’s been living a lie for two years. She felt bad that she didn’t know me, that she didn’t know you and Lorelai were engaged or that Lane was with Zach, and she hated that everybody was screwing up their own lives just to keep her happy.”

“So, what?” said Luke, clearly completely at a loss. “We’re supposed to wake her up every morning with, ‘Hey, Rory. Guess what? You have a brain injury and it’s two years later than you think it is?’”

“Not exactly like that.” Jess rolled his eyes. “I just think if we could break it to her gently, let her know that everything’s cool, it’s just life has moved on a little more than she thought. At least that way she could live each day as it really is, with the truth. You and Lorelai could actually be together, this town could step outside the time warp they’re stuck in, and honestly? I think Rory would be happier.”

He meant what he said and Jess hoped Luke could see that. He couldn’t imagine why his uncle would doubt him. After all, very little of what he was saying would actually benefit Jess, only Rory and the rest of the people closest too her. Sure, it would be cool to have Rory know each day that they were essentially dating, but she still wouldn’t remember him. It was a little better though, just a little better for everyone, as far as Jess could tell, and Rory more than most.

Luke reached for the legal pad in front of his nephew and turned it so he could read everything scribbled on it. Jess watched his uncle skim reading his notes and couldn’t quite figure out what he was thinking. Luke wasn’t all that expressive as a rule, you just had to wait for the guy to say what he thought, but at least Jess knew that he would get the unvarnished truth from his uncle when the moment came.

“You put a lot of thought into this,” he said eventually, looking up at his nephew. “You know how to do this? Put everything together in this video, slideshow thing?”

“Sort of.” Jess shrugged. “Honestly? I probably could, but I know a guy who could do a way better job than me. I could put all the pieces together, send it over to him to edit it properly, make a finished product. Once we have the main thing, it’d be pretty easy to splice in updates.”

“Uh-huh.” Luke nodded, eyes going back to the pages of notes so he could read more. “I guess it could be worth a shot, I mean, if Lorelai agrees.”

“Obviously.” Jess nodded. “I just keep thinking, can it really be any worse? And hey, we try it one day and if it doesn’t go well, we never have to do it again. She’s not gonna remember, right?”

What might have been a simple throwaway comment came out so bitter, even though Jess hadn’t meant for it to. It was clear Luke had noticed though. In a second he was sighing and adjusting his hat, the way he always did when he was uncomfortable.

“Jess...” he said, stumbling over whatever came next. “I know that you... Well, I guess you have feelings for Rory, and if things were different then-”

“But things aren’t different,” Jess cut in fast. “This is the way things are,” he said, pointing to the pictures of Rory in the bad day book that actually turned his own stomach. “I get that nothing can change with Rory’s condition, or maybe they can, who really knows?”

“Jess, we know,” said Luke definitely.

“Fine, you know, but you can’t go on this way, Luke. Nobody can,” Jess said just as firmly. “Are you seriously going to live the rest of your life like this? What happens when Rory gets older? What happens when she wakes up, looks in the mirror, and realises she looks totally different because she is way passed nineteen? What happens when one of her grandparents dies or somebody who lives in Stars Hollow actually dares to move away? Things are gonna change, Luke, and then there’s gonna be way more bad days than good.”

Luke sighed and ran a hand over his face. He knew Jess was right and from the expression on his face right now, it was clear these thoughts had crossed his mind too. He had probably just pushed them aside to worry about another day every time. Jess couldn’t do that. His time with Rory was probably limited anyway, but for as long as he was here, he wanted to do what he could to help her, everything that he possibly could to make her life better.

“Okay,” said Luke eventually. “I will talk to Lorelai about this and, if she agrees, we’ll try this truth video idea of yours,” he said, nodding his head.

A grin spread across Jess’ face as he looked down at the legal pad Luke had tossed back to him across the table. He was pretty sure he had a perfect plan for the video and was sure he could get his buddy back in Philly to do a decent and quick job for very little money. He owed him a favour, after all. Of course, that didn’t mean it would work, that Rory would react well to the truth of her condition and situation every morning, but somehow, Jess just believed that she would. Somehow, he felt he knew her well enough to know that it would be better this way. In a few days, he hoped to find out for sure.


	7. Chapter 7

“I really hope I don’t live to regret this decision.” Lorelai sighed as she let Luke and Jess into the house at an ungodly hour.

“Come on, Lorelai, give it a chance,” her fiancé advised, his arm around her as he kissed her temple. “Jess put a lot of work into the video and it’s like we said, if it doesn’t go so well, we never have to do it again and... and she won’t remember,” he said awkwardly.

“I know.” Lorelai nodded, leaning closer into his side, seeming to want to revel in the feeling of being close for just as long as she could.

Jess had noticed it before, how Luke and Lorelai would make the most of any alone time when Rory wasn’t around. In her head, they had barely begun dating, so they played that role when she was there to see. Jess knew it was very different for the actually engaged couple when they got a chance to be close. It made him even more sure about showing Rory the video, telling her the truth each day. It had to be better for everybody in the long-term, her included.

“Mom?”

The moment Rory called out from her room, Lorelai and Luke sprung apart like shrapnel and Jess backed up a little further into the living room, hovering awkwardly. Of course, nobody looked as weirded out as Rory when she wandered through in her PJs, all sleep rumpled and adorable.

“Oh, hey,” she said, fixing her hair a little when she noticed they had company. “What’s going on?” she asked, smiling uncertainly at Luke before looking past him at Jess with no small amount of confusion.

“Hey, sweets,” said Lorelai, putting on her best smile. “We, uh... Come sit down, okay?” she said, ushering Rory towards the couch and sitting her down in the middle. “Now, I know this seems a little crazy, but hey, when did that stop us, am I right?” she said with a girlish giggle. “Now, Luke and me, we have something we want to show you.”

“Right now?” Rory checked, even as Lorelai nodded at Jess to go ahead and put on the video. “I’m sorry, who is this?”

Jess tried not to wince, knowing that she was talking about him, even though his back was to her. It hurt. It wasn’t Rory’s fault and he knew that, but Jess couldn’t help it, it still felt like a knife through the heart every time she didn’t know him, and yet, he kept on coming back for more. That had to mean something. Maybe it meant he was an idiot, but he could live with that too.

“Okay?” Jess asked Lorelai.

She nodded, sitting down next to Rory and taking a hold of her hand. Jess pressed play and then moved aside so the girls could see the TV. He stood behind the couch beside Luke, his uncle putting a hand to his shoulder as soon as he was close enough and giving him an encouraging smile. It didn’t help all that much. Nothing would until they saw Rory’s reaction.

On the TV screen, a message appeared, wishing Rory a good morning. Soft, calm music played in the background as further writing explained her situation, gave her the true month and year, let her know that she had an accident and lost her memory, but that everything was going to be okay.

Before she could become too distressed, the real video part of the presentation kicked in, the faces of all the people she knew and loved, telling her how much they cared for her, how pleased they would be to see her and talk to her about things she had missed.

Lane presented Zach as her boyfriend, Lorelai and Luke confessed they were engaged, at which point Rory audibly gasped, tears streaming down her face but a light in her eyes as she glanced behind herself to see Luke standing there. Her gaze fell on Jess just as his recorded self spoke on the TV and he gestured for her to pay attention to that instead.

“Hey, Rory. You’ve probably been wondering who I am. My name is Jess, I’m Luke’s nephew. We actually met a couple of months ago now. We meet almost every day and... well, I guess you could say we’re dating. A while back, I told you I loved you and even though you didn’t say it back, and I didn’t really expect you to, you do seem to like me a lot. Anyway, I know this is a lot of information to get in five minutes, so I’ll give you some time to process, but if you have any questions, we’re all here to help. We love you, Rory.”

He smiled into the camera and then the picture faded to black, the video over. Jess was pretty much holding his breath, waiting on Rory’s reaction. It literally could be anything, and he wasn’t altogether surprised when she suddenly got up and pelted away to her room, slamming the door behind her.

Lorelai sighed. “Well, that went well,” she said, something very accusatory in her tone as she turned to look at Jess.

“She’s just in shock,” Luke cut in before his nephew could defend himself. “Lorelai, come on, she’s always upset when she hears the truth,” he reminded her, “but she gets over it. At least this way we’ll get it out of the way early. That was the idea, right? If she can process and we can explain anything she wants to know, at least she’ll get most of the day to enjoy herself, to live her life the way it should be, without all the lies.”

Jess hadn’t realised quite how much faith Luke had in him, how much store he had put in this plan of his. Of course, Jess had hoped this whole video thing had gone a little better than it did. He had hoped maybe Rory would have stayed in the room, talked to them, coped with the shock a little better, but that was probably wishful thinking. Still, like Luke said, it could still work out okay. They just needed to give Rory a little time.

* * *

It was a couple of hours later that Rory emerged from her room again. She was properly dressed this time and though her eyes were red-rimmed and she was hugging herself, she seemed a whole lot more calm as she crept into the living room, her eyes flitting from Lorelai to Luke to Jess and back again. Swallowing hard, she pushed her hair back from her face and finally spoke.

“How many times have I watched that?” she asked, gesturing towards the TV that had long since been switched off.

“That was the first time,” Lorelai told her daughter. “Before that, we just... we let you think it was the day that you thought it was. June 3rd, two years ago,” she said, as gently as she could. “We thought it was better but... well, then we thought we’d give this a try instead. I know it hurts, babe,” she continued, getting to her feet and moving to hug Rory, “but we thought you deserved the truth.”

“Yeah.” She nodded, hugging her mom back. “The truth is good. Well, not good,” she considered as they parted once more. “None of what happened to me is good,” she said, her hand going to the back of her head, searching for the lump she now realised was very much there. “But it’s good to know what’s going on. It has to be better, right?”

“We thought so,” Luke told her, smiling kindly.

She smiled back with real affection. “You’re engaged to my mom,” she said, shaking her head slightly. “That’s amazing.”

“We think so,” Lorelai said, grinning widely as she showed Rory the ring she wore on a chain around her neck, usually forever hidden beneath her clothes. “And before you get upset again or feel guilty about anything, please don’t, sweets,” she urged her daughter. “None of this is your fault. It’s nobody’s fault, it’s just the way things are.”

Rory nodded that she understood but her lip was trembling and it was clear she was still having trouble with all she had been told. Eventually, she drew in a deep breath to pull herself together and her eyes went to Jess.

“Hi,” she said uncertainly.

“Hey,” he replied, feeling just as awkward. “You doing okay?”

“I think so.” Rory nodded. “So, dating, huh?”

“Pretty much.”

“Okay,” said Luke, looking between the two of them. “I should get back to the diner and, Lorelai, you probably wanna come over and drink some coffee, right?” he said pointedly.

“Oh, yeah, that sounds like me,” she said, leaping up from her chair. “You need me, sweets, you know where I’ll be, okay?” she told Rory, giving her a big hug before finally leaving with Luke.

Rory watched them go and then turned back to Jess, still hugging herself and looking so very awkward. Jess took pity on her, standing up and gesturing towards the door.

“I could go too, if you want.”

“No,” she said immediately, her hand catching his arm. “I don’t... It just feels strange,” she admitted.

“I get that,” he assured her, his hand covering hers where it lay on his arm yet. “But for what it’s worth, everything I said in that video was true. I’m not trying to put pressure on you, because believe me, I get how crazy this all must seem to you, but... it was true,” he repeated, looking up at the same moment she did, their gazes locking.

“I believe you,” she promised, finding him a smile. “All I can tell you right now is that, even though I don’t remember anything that happened between us before, I’m not exactly feeling unattracted here,” she said, blushing even as she admitted it.

“Huh. Well, that’s something,” said Jess, smiling back at her.

It seemed to occur to the both of them at the same time that sitting would be good, moving to seat themselves pretty close together on the couch. Rory asked what usually happened when they ‘met’ each day and Jess was fine with telling her. He had gotten so used to having to repeat himself and make it seem like he wasn’t. At least on a clean slate like this, it didn’t matter. Rory knew everything was a re-run, even if she didn’t recall any of what went before. It meant no lies, no stress, at least not for Jess. There was some niggling guilt in him about upsetting Rory so much with the initial truth of her situation, but after a short while, when she was smiling and giggling at stories he told her about their relationship so far, she seemed better.

“You’re kind of amazing, you know that, right?” she said then.

“Okay, where’d that come from?” he asked, a little confused by the sudden declaration of his own awesomeness.

“Well, not every guy would do what you do.” Rory shrugged. “You come to meet me, almost every day. You have to start all over again from the beginning. I mean, you don’t exactly get very far, if you know what I mean,” she said pointedly. “I know you said we’ve kissed, but you have to... It has to be frustrating for you.”

“I’m fine,” Jess assured her, but it was clear from the look on her face that she wasn’t buying it. “Seriously, what do you want me to say?” he asked, laughing to cover how awkward and weird this conversation had become. “Does the thought cross my mind? Yes, because I’m human and, seriously, look at you,” he said, smirking when she blushed terribly, “but it doesn’t matter, Rory,” he promised then, his hand at her pink cheek, encouraging her to look at him again. “I can deal, okay?”

“Okay,” she said, nodding her head.

There was a look in her eyes that he recognised then, so it came as no surprise to Jess when Rory pushed forward and pressed her lips against his own. Despite what he told her about it all being fine, it took everything in him to not go too far when she kissed him like that. For her it was the first kiss, always the first, in spite of the fact it was almost two months since they started this whole thing.

When a moan escaped Rory’s throat, Jess made himself back off, highly aware of the fact they were alone in the house with no chance of interruptions. Things could go way too far, way too fast, and he would not do that to Rory.

“Okay,” he said, taking a deep breath and trying get his bearings. “So, we have this whole day ahead of us and there are a lot of people out there who would love to catch up with you, if you want to?” he suggested.

Rory shook her head slightly, less to be negative, more to clear her head as far as Jess could tell.

“Uh, yes,” she said eventually. “I guess there are a lot of people and a lot of stuff I don’t know. Did that video have Lane on it, saying she was in love with Zach?” she checked then, frowning a little as she gestured towards the now blank TV.

“She did say that,” Jess confirmed.

“Wow.” Rory shook her head. “Well, that’s something I have to see.”

“Then we’ll go.”

Jess was weirdly relieved to know they were going somewhere outside and onto somewhere else with people present. It was probably better for his health in the long run.

As they walked through town, it was incredible to watch Rory interacting with all the people they ran across, to see her smiling and hugging people and really being in the moment, knowing everything and feeling okay about it for a while. It took more than an hour to make it to Lane and Zach’s place because Rory just wanted to catch up with every one they met along the way, and then, after their visit with her best friend, they headed for the diner, where Luke and Lorelai were glad to see them.

“She looks so happy,” Lorelai told Jess as they watched Rory catching up with yet another person’s life that she hadn’t been a real part of for more than two years. “Thank you, Jess,” she said, her hand on his arm.

“I didn’t do much,” he told her modestly, sipping his soda.

“No, you really did,” she assured him with a look. “You’re making a real difference in her life and I cannot thank you enough for that.”

Jess smiled. “She’s making a real difference in my life too,” he told her, before turning to look at Rory having the best time with her old friends.

When she caught him staring, she smiled and gestured for him to go over, literally pulling him into the seat beside her and then into the conversation she was already a part of. Jess hadn’t thought he could love her any more than he already did, but like this, living her life, loving her life, he really felt like maybe he did.


	8. Chapter 8

“Don’t take this the wrong way, but I am in awe of this!” Rory told Lane, shaking her head. “You and Zach? I mean, you were good friends, I even think you told me you were thinking about him that way a little, but I never thought... it’s a little amazing to me that this happened.”

“Hey, I’ve been here the whole time and I think it’s amazing too,” said Zach, his arm around Lane as he kissed her cheek.

Jess sat back on the couch, watching Rory interact with her friends and couldn’t keep from smiling. After several weeks of meeting her anew every day, having to lie to her because there simply was no other choice, it was so much better to see her like this, knowing who she was, where she was, and when she was.

Though she still never remembered Jess or how time had moved on since her accident, with a little help, she could understand what happened and accept it. It was better, not just for Jess, Lorelai, and Luke, or even the rest of the folks in Stars Hollow. It was better for Rory too. She had said as much herself, even though she had no real memory of how things were before. She had her own way of remembering now.

“I’m so sorry if this gets repetitive for you,” she was telling Lane when Jess started listening again. “I know we had this conversation a few times already.”

Immediately, Lane and Zach both looked at Jess, but he shook his head.

“I didn’t tell her,” he said with a smirk, letting them wonder for a moment before explaining further. “She keeps a diary.”

“Well, it just made sense.” Rory shrugged, smiling at her friends. “Jess does such a great job keeping the video up-to-date with the big stuff, but... well, it’s always somebody else telling me what happened in my own life and that’s kind of weird.”

She looked so awkward explaining it and Jess knew why. The first time she showed him her diary a few days ago, she had almost seemed guilty about keeping it, as if it were something he might not like. Of course, he understood that she wasn’t trying to eliminate the need for the video or make his efforts seems worthless.

“It helps her to have things in her own words,” he said for her when she seemed reluctant to say more, his hand reaching across to cover her own and squeeze it. “It’s better for Rory to tell Rory what happened than for the rest of us to do it. It’s her life after all.”

“And apparently, I’m having a pretty good time with it,” she said, smiling across at him, even as her cheeks turned a little pink. “Um, it is a little strange to read your own handwriting and realise you’re dating a guy that you don’t remember meeting, but it seems like no matter how many times I forget, I always have the same good taste every day.”

“Yes, you do,” said Lane with enthusiasm that Jess appreciated. “I mean, I’m sure if you guys had met _before_ the accident, you absolutely would’ve gotten along. I mean, the evidence is right here, you’re dating... sort of,” she said awkwardly then.

“We are dating,” Jess assured her. “It’s just... a little different to dating anybody else, that’s all.”

“Dude, you are a good man,” said Zach then, and though Jess wanted to be flattered, he had a horrible feeling he knew what was coming next. “Patience is a virtue, am I right?” he said, confirming Jess’ worst fear.

“Seriously?” Lane squeaked, socking her boyfriend in the shoulder.

“What?” he asked, genuinely confused, as Zach often was.

Jess looked sideways at Rory and saw her blush even more fiercely. It was a topic that came up on a semi-regular basis and it was never not awkward. Of course, though Rory was made aware each day that she was essentially dating Jess, she never remembered any of it. She had to get to know him from the beginning and it was kind of a big deal for her to be even seriously kissing someone on the first day she met them, nevermind anything else. It was why they never got too far in a physical sense, why Jess had to make his peace with the fact that they probably never would, and yet he couldn’t help but hope sometimes, just a little.

“I’m so sorry, guys,” Lane apologised for Zach after she sent him off to the kitchen to make more coffee. “He doesn’t mean to be thoughtless, but sometimes it just... happens,” she said, rolling her eyes.

“It’s fine,” Rory assured her. “He doesn’t mean any harm. Besides, you have to admit, he’s probably right,” she said looking to Jess then. “You really do have some incredible powers of patience.”

“Don’t worry about me,” he promised her one more time. “Come on, are you telling me you never wrote down in that diary of yours how I told you this is not a big deal?”

“I wrote down that you said that.” Rory nodded. “It doesn’t mean I believe you,” she said smartly, sticking out her tongue like a child.

He figured that was on purpose, make it funny and stupid so it didn’t have to be a serious conversation later. Jess was glad she went that way. He could use not having that kind of talk too often, just another reminder of what he couldn’t have with Rory. He would honestly rather concentrate on the parts of a relationship they could enjoy, at least for as long as he hung around in Stars Hollow.

That was another topic Jess didn’t like to broach, not with Rory, or Luke and Lorelai, or even himself. It was coming on for three months now since he came to spend some well-earned vacation time with his uncle, but at some point, he should really head home. The guys at the publishing house were getting restless and antsy about when he was coming back, and he had done very little work on his latest manuscript since coming to Connecticut.

“Jess?” Rory’s concerned tone caught his attention, pulling him back to reality after zoning out a while. “Are you okay?” she checked.

“I’m fine,” he told her, forcing a smile, finding it needed less effort the moment he met her eyes. “Seriously, I’m good. I was just thinking maybe we should head out soon. Didn’t you wanna see more people today? Uh, Sookie and Jackson?”

“Yes, I did,” Rory agreed, nodding her head, just as Zach returned with fresh coffee. “Well, maybe after one more cup?” she said hopefully.

“Far be it for me to deny a Gilmore girl her coffee,” said Jess, lifting the hand he was holding and kissing the back.

He could deny her nothing, he already knew that, and even though he knew how easy it could be to walk away from her if he needed to, Jess just couldn’t imagine doing it. Rory didn’t have to know. Remake the video she watched every morning, have Lorelai take away her diaries, and Rory might never realise Jess ever existed, at least not in his current form as her boyfriend anyway. He could just go back to being Luke’s nephew who she heard about but never met. He could, but he didn’t want to. Honestly, the very thought of it made Jess feel horribly sick.

Shaking his head clear, Jess refocused on the conversation between Rory, Lane, and Zach, even though he had heard much of it several times before. It didn’t matter so much, it was worth it actually, just to see Rory so happy, smiling like she meant it, living her life as best she could for now.

Maybe one day things would change, though Lorelai seemed insistent that was impossible. Jess could deal if this was how it always was, and yet he couldn’t help but hope, for Rory’s sake more than his own, that maybe, just maybe, things could be different some day.

It wasn’t anything he ever discussed with Rory. If she asked too much about her condition, Lorelai fielded all the questions, with answers she had repeated so often she sounded like a robot reeling off each fact and explanation. The Gilmore girls both knew that it was practically impossible for Rory’s memory to ever be truly fixed. Her condition was permanent and that was that.

Jess tried not to think about it too much, not letting himself wonder what it might be like if things did change, how tough it might be if they didn’t. His mind kept drifting back to what Lane told him a few weeks before, about the stories Rory liked to write about a guy not dissimilar to Jess himself, about a man and woman meeting for the first time and falling in love. It could easily be a coincidence, he could be reading too much into it, and yet.

“You keep doing that,” said Rory, looking at him with some concern as they walked along the street towards her house. “A little when we were with Lane and Zach and a whole lot at Sookie and Jackson’s house. Were you bored, or are you just one of those people who zones out a lot?”

It was clear from the look on her face that he had scared her, which bothered Jess more than a little. With everything else she had to go through, and given how much he loved her, it was the last thing he wanted for Rory.

“I was not bored,” he promised, squeezing her hand that was held in his own yet. “And I don’t usually lose focus like that, I just... My mind wanders sometimes.”

“Book ideas?” asked Rory with a smile as they headed down the driveway towards the house. “I know you’re writing your next great novel, I have that written down.”

“I am,” Jess agreed, nodding his head, unable to keep from smiling himself when she was looking at him like that. “You know, I’m thinking of giving the heroine these amazing blue eyes that could drive a man crazy, but I don’t know if anyone would buy that a woman like that really exists.”

She blushed at his compliment, as she often did, then made a big deal of unlocking the door and letting them both into her home. Jess sighed as he followed her inside. He hadn’t lied to her, he was just keeping a few things to himself, which he wasn’t proud of, but the other option involved upsetting Rory even more. He could never bring himself to do that.

“So,” he said, wondering why Rory was still stood in the hallway when he turned around from closing the door behind them. “What now?”

“Now...” she said taking a deep breath and stepping into him with what seemed like a real amount of purpose.

The next thing Jess knew, Rory’s arms were clasped around his neck and she was kissing him like her life depended on it. It wasn’t that he minded at all, in fact, he was a more than willing participant, pulling her closer and getting lost in the moment for a while. Still, when the heat started to rise (and it wasn’t the only thing to do so) he became extremely aware of her condition again.

“Rory,” he said, pulling away, but in a second she was on him again, kissing him hard on the lips, her hands starting to wander. “Rory, come on,” he urged her, pushing her gently away with his hands at her shoulders. “What’s going on?”

Jess met her eyes and was determined not to let anything else happen until he got an answer. It was tempting, God knows, it was _very_ tempting, but this was such a strange turn events in the circumstances and he had to know what was going on in Rory’s head.

“I made a plan,” she said, as her breathing evened out a little. “I admit, I don’t remember making it because, hey, that’s how his works” she said with a crooked smile, one hand going to her own head for a moment, “but I wrote it down in my diary, and I’m sure about it.”

“You’re sure about your plan,” said Jess, nodding absently. “And the plan is...? Wow, okay,” he said as the light dawned in his brain. “Rory, I don’t-,”

“Please, Jess, don’t say it,” she urged him, stepping back out of his grasp and folding her arms across her chest. “I know what you’re going to say, because I wrote that down too. You always say it’s okay, that you don’t mind that we’re not... that kind of close,” she said, very primly for a woman who was seconds away from tearing Jess’ clothes off just a minute ago. “I do appreciate that. I think it’s incredible that you’re so patient and understanding, and I’m not going to lie, it is very weird waking up every day not knowing that I have a boyfriend until I see a video and read my own diary and meet you all over again but... but it’s okay. You’re making it okay,” she said, trying to explain and clearly getting frustrated as she struggled to make herself clear. “I don’t know how to explain it, because I really don’t remember anything that’s happened with us before, but I know what I write down and I know that you’re a great guy and... and I’m a grown woman, Jess, with feelings, and... and I know what I want.”

She sounded so sure, he really wanted to believe her, but Jess never really expected to be standing here with Rory telling him she wanted him quite like this. He thought about it, dreamed about more it more than a few times actually, but he never really expected it to happen. Now that it had, he knew he was a fool if he tried to say he didn’t want her too, but did that make it okay?

“Rory...” he began, shaking his head, struggling to know how to go on. “I’m not... You know that I love you, right?”

“I know,” she agreed easily. “And as crazy as it probably sounds in the circumstances, I’m pretty sure I love you too. I’d be an idiot if I didn’t, wouldn’t I?” she said with a smile.

Jess tried hard to keep the smirk off his lips but failed spectacularly. “That was rhetorical, right?” he checked, stepping towards her and letting his hands settle at her waist. “Hi,” he said, meeting her eyes.

“Hi,” she said back, still smiling as they both leaned in a little more and began kissing all over again.

Though Rory said she was sure she wanted to do this, Jess still gave her every opportunity to change her mind. She had to be in control just as much as she needed. He could never, would never take advantage, but she did seem awfully determined that this was the direction she wanted to take things. As with every other single thing she decided she wanted to do, he could never deny her.

They were laid down on her bed together, half their clothes already gone, when it occurred to him, he probably ought to ask the question, just in case. Somehow, she seemed to see it coming, her finger coming up to press against his lips as he hovered over her.

“Please, don’t ask me again if I’m sure,” she told him. “You know I am.”

Somehow, he thought he really did, so Jess only silently nodded, then began to make love to Rory, just as she had asked him to.


	9. Chapter 9

“I thought we were done with the bad days,” Luke grumbled, running a hand over his face.

“The old bad days have nothing on this,” said Jess, determined not to be weak and cry about it, though the tears would come easily if he let them.

He thought the bad days had passed by too. Sure, Rory still got upset when they told her the truth, but she was comforted by the fact no-one was lying to her anymore, by the video of her family and friends all being kind to her, by her own diaries that told of her life in her own words. She was dealing with each day as it came, spending time with Lorelai and Luke, Lane and Zach, Sookie and Jackson, a whole myriad of townsfolk that loved her, and then there was Jess.

Though she never remembered him, she spent an hour or two each morning, reacquainting herself with their relationship so far, and most days they were together for at least some of the time. They went out on real dates, they stayed in on real dates too. Jess never expected it, but Rory became more bold about how far she was willing to take their relationship and last night had been one more occasion when they ended up in her bed together. The problem was how late it had been when it happened, how tired and comfortable Jess had felt lying there beside her.

“I told her I should go. I did tell her that,” he said to Luke now, the two of them agitatedly pacing in the living room of the Crap Shack. “It’s not like she didn’t understand why.”

“But I’m guessing you fell asleep,” said his uncle, nodding knowingly. “More to the point, _she_ fell asleep.”

“She kept on saying she wouldn’t.” Jess smiled just slightly at the memory before the horrible moment from this morning came crashing back in like a tidal wave and turned his stomach completely over. “And that even if she did, maybe... maybe it wouldn’t matter. After everything, she thought maybe...”

He stopped and shook his head, knowing only too well what a fool he had been to hope along with Rory. Jess half-expected Luke to confirm it, but his uncle clearly realised he was suffering enough. He just placed a hand on Jess’ shoulder and sighed.

“She wants to be better,” said Luke. “She wants to remember you. That has to mean something.”

“It means everything,” Jess agreed, “but when she woke up just now and looked at me like...”

He couldn’t even say it, didn’t even want to think it. It hurt too much to contemplate exactly what Rory thought, seeing what she perceived to be a stranger in her bed like that. Jess had tried for a minute to talk to her, in the vain hope there was some sliver of a memory in there, but it was clear she was just too frightened and upset to listen. He ran from her room, half-dressed, colliding with Luke in the kitchen who was clearly making his own escape out of the back door, after secretly spending the night with Lorelai. She had come running next, straight to Rory to comfort her and presumably explain everything.

The girls had been alone in the bedroom for a half hour so far. All Jess could be grateful for was that the screaming had stopped.

“Jess?”

He refocused his eyes and mind on the present when Luke called for his attention then.

“Times like this I think I really am an idiot for staying here,” he said with a sigh, sitting down on the back of the couch and running a hand back through his hair. “You know the guys have been bugging me about going back for a while, I just put it off. I was happy here, with Rory, with you guys, and then... and then my publisher got in touch. They’re pretty pissed at me for not sending in any new chapters for the past three months, especially since the world is demanding a sequel.” He shook his head. “I’m throwing my career away for her, Luke, and a part of me doesn’t even care most of the time, but then stuff like this happens...”

He glanced over at his uncle and then away, unable to bear the sympathy and even pity he saw on Luke’s face. It was such a stupid situation, throwing away the chance to do what he always wanted to do, for a woman who didn’t know him from one day to the next. She was worth it, Rory would always be worth any kind of sacrifice he had to make, Jess knew that, but he wondered if it was really in either of their best interests to carry on like this.

“You know, nobody would blame you if you left,” said Luke then. “I know you probably think we would, that me and Lorelai and everyone would judge you, but we’ve been doing this a hell of a lot longer than you have. We understand, Jess. Rory’s condition, it’s tough on everybody and toughest on the people who love her most,” he said with a knowing look. “If you wanted to go-”

“I can’t.” Jess shook his head. “I can’t leave her, Luke. How can I?”

“Someday, you might have to,” Luke told him, “and if that day comes, I don’t want you to beat yourself up over it. I hate to say it but Rory isn’t going to be hurt if and when you do walk away, she can’t be,” he said, shaking his head. “I’m more worried about your heartbreak than hers right now. Losing her would be rough on you, I know, but do you really want to throw away everything else to stay?”

Jess almost asked Luke if he was serious. He knew that his uncle loved Rory like a daughter, always had, so to hear him saying that it was okay to leave her seemed bizarre. Still, Jess knew he had a point. It wasn’t as if she would know she had been abandoned. If they erased the video, took away her diaries, Rory would have no clue Jess had ever come to town at all this summer. The only person who could suffer pain from their relationship at all was him, as the twisting knife in his gut was proving now, just thinking about it all.

Jess and Luke both looked up as Lorelai came into the living room, heaving a huge sigh.

“I got her calmed down,” she said of Rory. “Told her everything, got her to read her diary. She’ll be okay,” she said, dropping down into the armchair with a thud and running both hands back through her hair. “I thought we were done with the bad days.”

“I’m sorry,” said Jess. “I didn’t-”

“It’s not your fault,” she assured him, though she didn’t look up at all. “It’s just... It happens.”

Luke immediately went to Lorelai’s side, perching on the arm of the chair and pulling her to him. She turned into his chest and hugged him tight, clearly emotionally drained by one more ordeal brought on by Rory’s condition. Jess got up and walked away to the kitchen, hovering a few feet from Rory’s door, just staring. He didn’t dare go in. Wouldn’t even knock and ask if she was okay. He wanted to, God knows, he _really_ wanted to, but he figured it was probably better to just go and leave her alone for a while. He slipped out the back door without a word.

* * *

It was late when she came to seek him out. The diner was closed and Jess had volunteered to do all the clean up so Luke could check on Lorelai and Rory. He had been gone just a little while when she showed up at the door, knocking to be let in. Jess wasn’t sure whether to be happy or not when he saw her, but let her in anyway.

“Hi,” she said uncertainly.

“Hi,” he replied, closing the door behind her. “About this morning...”

“I’m sorry,” they said at the same time, Rory smiling when she realised what had happened. “I guess neither of us really has to apologise. I mean, it wasn’t your fault.”

“Wasn’t yours either,” he agreed.

Rory nodded, then looked a little awkwardly at the empty diner around her.

Jess moved to pull two chairs down from the nearest table and offered her to the chance to sit before joining her. Not that it took away from the awkwardness of their situation very much. Right now, he felt as if nothing ever could.

“I read a lot about you today,” said Rory, smiling genuinely. “And I talked to my mom and... You’re a really amazing person, Jess.”

“You tell me that a lot,” he said, trying to look happy about it because he knew she meant it as a compliment, still he didn’t really feel so amazing anymore. “Honestly, I think you have it backwards. You’re the amazing one, Rory. The way you deal with all this stuff, every day...”

“You’re dealing with it too,” she pointed out, “and the difference is, you don’t have to,” she said, staring at him until he finally met her gaze. “You could leave, any time. My memories, the real ones in my head, they stop the day this happened,” she said, her hand going absently to the bump on her head from the accident. “Up to that point, you were just a guy I heard about in stories. If you left tonight, when I was sleeping, I would wake up tomorrow, never knowing you’d been here. Never knowing what we had,” she said, smile fading fast. “It seems awful, that all those weeks and months could just be erased.”

“Tell me about it,” Jess said softly. “But it is what it is, nobody can change it,” he said then, shrugging his shoulders. “Rory, I don’t... I know I can’t make this better,” he said, reaching to take her hand. “I wish I could, for both of us, but I can’t. I know it’s tough on you-”

“I’m not worried about me, Jess,” she insisted, turning her hand over to squeeze his own. “I’m worried about you. I told you, I spent a lot of time today reading my own diaries. Everything that I wrote about you and me. It seems like we’ve been having a really great time this summer and even though I don’t remember, I... I feel it,” she said, shaking her head, presumably knowing she wasn’t explaining so well. “I don’t know how, I just know from the way I wrote it down, and from the way you’re looking at me right now, I just know that it’s real, that you love me and that somehow, in spite of all the things I don’t know, I know I must love you too.”

That made Jess smile, even though there were plenty of reasons not to right now.

“So, I also wrote down some stuff you told me about your writing,” Rory said then, eyes going to the floor. “You haven’t done much since you’ve been here.”

“Doesn’t matter,” Jess insisted, but when Rory looked at him again then he knew that she could see and hear the lie as well as anyone who did remember him from day to day. “Rory...”

“It matters, Jess,” she insisted. “You had a life before me, didn’t you? I know you did. I may not know every detail, but I’ve written down enough, and logic dictates that you must have had a job and friends and a place to live.”

“I did have all that,” he confirmed what she already knew. “I had a life in Philly and it was decent enough, but if I go back to that... It means leaving you.”

“I know.” Rory nodded. “Honestly, after this morning, I’m surprised you’re not gone already,” she admitted, turning a little pink at the very thought.

“You reacted how any person would when they find a stranger in their bed.”

“But you’re not a stranger,” Rory insisted, holding his hand tighter. “You’re... you’re Jess,” she said, smiling even as a lone tear streaked down her cheek. “I really, really wish I could say things can be different with us. I wish I could make it so I remembered you every day and... and that we could be...”

Words started to fail her and Jess couldn’t stand it. He moved to pull her closer, kissing her lips then hugging her tightly as she cried.

“I don’t need you to change,” he promised. “I love you, Rory, that’s all that matters.”

She was quiet after a while and then pulled back to look at him seriously.

“It matters a lot to me, Jess, I promise you, it does, but... but I love you too and I can’t be the reason you put your life on hold. I can’t... I can’t be the reason that you don’t write like you’re supposed to, that you let down the other people you care about. It’s not fair. You can’t ask me to do that, to ruin your life.”

“These past three months, _you_ ’ve been my life,” he told her all too easily. “Rory, I don’t wanna leave you.”

She shook her head. “I’m not giving you a choice,” she said firmly, clearly fighting further tears but carrying on regardless. “It’s bad enough that this has to be _my_ life, that my mom and Luke and everyone has to deal with the way I am, but you don’t. You can go back to Philadelphia, you can do your job, and write your book, have fun with your friends. You can date a girl who actually knows who you are every day,” she said, voice cracking with emotion. “You can go to sleep with her in your arms and not have to worry that you’ll wake up in the morning with her screaming at you.”

She finally broke down again and Jess pulled her back into his arms, holding on tight for as long as she would let him. It wasn’t long enough.

“Tomorrow,” she said, moving away and sniffing hard. “We’re going to change things, tomorrow,” she insisted. “I want to know what’s happened, I’m going to read my diaries and it’s going to tell me what I decided today, and then, we’re going to work on changing everything back.”

“Back?” Jess checked. “You wanna go back to everybody pretending and lying...?”

“No,” Rory insisted. “It’s better the way it is, with me being told the truth each day. It’s better for them too, for Mom and Luke and everyone. I know that from what I already have written down. All I need to change... is you,” she admitted. “Jess, I know it’s a weird favour to ask, but tomorrow, will you help me to erase you from my diaries? From my life? Then you can go and live yours and you won’t have to worry about me anymore.”

She was breaking his heart and yet Jess couldn’t exactly be mad at her for it. Rory was trying to do the right thing, the selfless thing, and that made her so much more incredible a person than he could ever hope to be. Still, he wanted to tell her no, tell her the last thing he wanted was to just slip out of her life unnoticed. The look on her face, as well as the tear-stains on her cheeks, told him that would be the wrong thing to say right now.

“Okay,” he said, nodding once. “If that’s really what you want. Tomorrow, we’ll do that.”

Rory nodded her agreement, finding him a watery smile, even as two more tears escaped down her red cheeks. She pulled him forward into a kiss and a tight hug that Jess savoured every moment of. After all, it might be very well be their last.


	10. Chapter 10

“Jess?”

He looked up from the pages of handwriting that had him hypnotised to find Rory staring at him, a slight frown marring her beautiful face. His gaze shifted to see her hands poised over the computer keyboard, waiting for him to read the next suitable entry aloud.

“Sorry,” he muttered, looking to the book again, flipping the page back to where they left off.

No sooner had he found his place than Rory’s hand landed on his atop the page and got his attention back all over again.

“No, I’m sorry,” she told him with a sigh. “I’m not really thinking about how hard this must be for you.”

“Like that matters.” Jess rolled his eyes, turning his hand over to grasp her fingers. “It’s your life, Rory, and there’s already enough parts of it that you don’t have any control over. What you can decide, you should be allowed to. So, we’re doing this,” he said definitely.

She nodded her agreement, put both hands back over the keyboard and waited for him to continue. Jess fully intended to do just that, but despite all he had said to Rory, he couldn’t deny this really did hurt. Essentially, they were working together on the project of putting all of Rory’s handwritten diaries onto the computer instead. The painful part was that with each passing entry they erased all mention of Jess, therefore removing any trace of him from Rory’s memory aide and her life at large.

“Uh, this one is probably mostly okay,” he said of the next page. “Pretty sure you spent the whole day with Lorelai and your grandma.”

“Oh, okay.” Rory nodded, typing furiously as Jess then read the entry aloud.

Reaching the end, she hit return and then save for good measure, before looking to Jess in anticipation of him pulling out that page and placing it into the box with the others. They were to be burned later, that was the plan, all evidence of Jess being a part of Rory’s life, going up in literal smoke. Without the diary evidence, she would never remember he had been her boyfriend, that he had even come to Stars Hollow this summer at all. She told Jess it was better for both of them. He said he understood, but honestly, he couldn’t quite believe her, not really, not for as long as his heart felt as if it were being torn in two.

“Okay, next day?” Rory said, preparing to type again.

Jess opened his mouth to speak but closed it again fast. He realised as his eyes scanned the page that this particular entry had a lot of him in it and in a very significant way. It told, in some detail, all about the first time he and Rory made love. Suddenly, she was leaning closer over his shoulder, and then Jess saw her face turn a familiar shade of pink.

“Oh. Wow, that is... vivid,” she said, eyes going a little wide.

“That’s how I remember it,” Jess admitted, immediately regretting his word choice when Rory drew back as if he slapped her. “Rory...”

“It’s fine,” she promised. “I just... It’s things like that,” she said, gesturing to the next entry in the diary, “that I feel the worst about not remembering. It should have been so special.”

“It was so special,” Jess promised her faithfully, his hand at her cheek, making her look at him again. “Rory, I promise you, it was. I know it’s rough on you that you don’t remember this stuff, but I can deal with that. I told you, I can. If you just let me prove it to you-”

“Jess, please, don’t,” Rory urged him, pulling away from his touch. “I know what I’m doing is the right thing. I wrote it all down, how you have this incredible life, and this amazing opportunity to be a great author. You can’t live your dreams in Stars Hollow, babysitting the girl with no memory,” she said sharply.

This time, it was Jess’ turn to feel as if he had been struck right in the face, though he didn’t know how to blame Rory for being so harsh. She had the right to be angry at her memory problems. She had the absolute right to be sad and furious and anything else she wanted to be. It wasn’t his place to tell her to calm down or be reasonable. Hadn’t he just got done telling her this was her choice and he was willing to support her in it?

“Okay, so this whole thing has to go, right?” he said, clearing his throat.

“I guess so,” Rory agreed, nodding her head, though something in her expression suggested regret, even as Jess tore the page free, balled it in his fist and pitched it into the ‘burn box’. “What’s next?”

Jess sighed and skimmed the new page in front of him.

“‘Spent some time with Sookie and Jackson today...’” he began reading, waiting a beat for Rory to realise she was supposed to be typing and letting her get caught up before he went on.

The next few entries proved to be easier to get through. Visits with friends, time spent with Lorelai and Luke, hanging out in the diner, on the bridge, at the bookstore. It wasn’t too hard to take out all the references to Jess but leave a lot of other important information intact. Page after page piled up into the box at Jess’ feet until very few pages of the diary remained to be added to the computer-based journal.

Rory heaved a huge sigh and slumped back in her desk chair.

“You need to take a break?” asked Jess, watching her closely.

“No,” she admitted, eyes staring at the screen still. “I just... It’s so strange. I’m erasing all this stuff, taking you out of every entry like you were never there. Even though I don’t remember any of this... it still feels wrong. Is that weird?”

“I don’t know.” Jess shrugged, tossing the last part of the diary onto the desk with a thunk and leaning back in his chair too, mirroring Rory’s position. “A part of me wants to think maybe you’re sad to delete me because somewhere, deep in the back of your brain, maybe you really do remember me,” he said, smirking at what felt like a bad joke even as he spoke the words. “The larger part knows you’re just a really good person who hates the idea of hurting anybody else, even if it’s a guy you don’t remember at all,” he said, looking sideways at her and finding Rory had tears in her eyes. “I’m sorry.”

“Please, don’t be sorry,” she insisted, sniffing hard and swiping at her eyes. “None of this is your fault.”

“It’s not exactly yours either,” he reminded her. “Besides, if I had just left you alone, none of this would’ve happened,” he said, gesturing to the box full of pages to be destroyed.

“For me, none of it will have happened. At least, I won’t know that it has,” she said, frowning so hard she seemed to be causing herself physical pain. “It seems so wrong.”

“I know,” Jess agreed, though he didn’t have the words to elaborate.

He wanted to tell Rory it was going to be okay, but honestly, he didn’t really believe that. She wouldn’t have to hurt over his loss, but her life was never going to be quite what it should be, while he would have to live with having walked away from this incredible woman, the first and only that he had said ‘I love you’ to and really meant it with all his heart.

A knock on the door made them both look up at the same time as Lorelai poked her head in. There were times before when she would have her eyes firmly closed or even her hand over them as she checked everybody in the room was fully clothed. This time she knew she didn’t have to. She was well aware of the task at hand.

“How are things going in here?” she asked with a sad sort of a smile.

“They’re going,” said Rory, forcing a happy look onto her own face, though nobody was ever going to buy that either. “We’re almost done.”

“That the pages to be bonfired?” said Lorelai, nodding down towards the box at Jess’ feet, “because I can take those for you, add them to the stack of old bills and legal stuff I’ve been meaning to destroy, if you want.”

“Sure,” Rory agreed, reaching for the box the same time Jess did, their hands meeting on the edge.

She pulled back first and Jess picked up the box, rising to his feet at the same time.

“I’ll bring it out for you,” he told Lorelai. “I need a bathroom break anyway. Be right back,” he said to Rory without turning his head, pulling the door almost closed behind him as he stepped out into the kitchen.

“You wanna bring those through here?” Lorelai gestured for him to follow as she went into the living room and sat down on the couch.

Jess put the box on the coffee table then headed upstairs to use the bathroom, just as he said. Not that he especially needed to go right now, but he couldn’t have spent another minute alone with Rory without a chance to get his head together. What she was asking him to do, he did know it made some kind of sense, but who cared about that kind of practical logic when feelings were involved, when hearts were getting broken?

“Well, only one heart,” he muttered to his reflection in the mirror, leaning heavily over the sink.

Rory couldn’t be so heartbroken over him. As they just established, more than once today, after Jess left, she wouldn’t have a single memory of ever meeting him. If everyone in town kept their big mouths shut, which he assumed they were going to be asked to do, Rory would go back to living much as she had before he ever arrived. She and Lorelai decided to continue with the video each morning when Rory woke up, but even that was to be re-edited, removing all trace of Jess. Every day would be a new day for Rory, but her life would be entirely Mariano-free.

“Suck it up, man. It’s for everybody’s own good,” Jess told his reflection before turning away and heading back downstairs.

He stopped a few steps from the bottom and stared at Lorelai, who immediately looked up and stared back. Her hands held pages from Rory’s diary that she had clearly been reading and her eyes were brimming with tears. Jess wasn’t sure he knew what to say to her, or how awkward he should feel if she was reading certain entries he would rather Rory’s mom never saw at all. His eyes flitted down the hall as he finally descended fully into the living room and then he looked back at Lorelai when she sighed.

“I know a mother shouldn’t read her daughter’s diary behind her back,” she said in a soft voice. “I also know it should absolutely be up to Rory if she wants to throw all this away and never see it again, but... but she was so happy. You made her so happy,” she said, smiling up at Jess, even as a tear streaked down her face.

“She made me happy too,” he said, swallowing hard. “This wasn’t my choice, Lorelai,” he reminded her, mindful of being as quiet as she was trying to be. “Rory wants it this way.”

“I know that she does.” Lorelai nodded in understanding. “Believe me, I wish she didn’t. You’ve been so good for her. Of all the things I wish she could remember...”

She never actually said it, but Jess knew exactly what she meant. He felt the same way most of the time. If Rory could just remember one thing, one person, if only it could be him.

“It’s going to kill me to leave her,” he said, shaking his head, “and the worst part is knowing that in the morning she’ll wake up and... and she won’t feel a thing. She won’t even know I was ever here.”

The way Lorelai was looking at him right now hurt as much as any other part of this whole crappy situation. Jess was sure she wanted to tell him he was wrong, wanted to give him some hope, some comfort, but she couldn’t. They both knew there was absolutely none to be had.

“Here,” she said instead, handing a couple of pages from the box to Jess. “Go on, take them,” she urged him when he hesitated, the both of them checking at the same time that Rory wasn’t about to appear. “Trust me, I’m taking my keepsake too before this whole box burns,” Lorelai said definitely.

“Thanks,” Jess said, finding her the smallest of smiles as he folded the pages written in Rory’s hand and shoved them deep into his back pocket. “I should...” he said then, gesturing back towards the bedroom.

Lorelai only nodded and turned back to the task at hand. Jess took a deep breath and walked back into the breach.

* * *

When Luke walked into the apartment, Jess anticipated the question that would immediately leave his uncle’s lips. He didn’t let him down.

“What the hell are you doing?”

Jess smirked just slightly, giving himself a mental high five for a perfect guess. Not that anything about this situation was at all funny, not that Jess felt the least bit smart about any of it either, but he had to have something.

“Packing,” he said shortly, looking across the room in an attempt to locate anything he might’ve missed, then crossing that way to retrieve a couple of CDs he had left by the stereo.

“You’re leaving? Right now?” asked Luke, sounding bemused and probably looking much the same way, though Jess couldn’t bear to look and find out.

“Last bus leaves at nine, I plan to be on it.”

He should give Luke a better explanation, at least look at him when he talked, but Jess just couldn’t do it. If his uncle was kind and understanding about all this, it was going to break him and Jess had been trying so hard, all day long, not to break. Not in front of Rory, not in front of Lorelai, he wasn’t prepared to give in now. He planned to be far away from Stars Hollow and all prying eyes before he let go.

“Jess, come on,” Luke said then, suddenly closer than his nephew had realised as he pulled on his arm and made him meet his gaze. “I know you and Rory talked about this and she made her decision, but you don’t have to leave like this without-”

“Yes, I do,” said Jess firmly, pulling his arm from Luke’s grip. “We finished the diaries,” he explained. “Rory types almost as fast as she talks, and besides, there was a lot she needed to leave out,” he said sadly, turning his face away again and concentrating on stuffing everything into his bags in such a way the zippers would actually close. “The video is re-cut, the town knows the new rules. When Rory wakes up tomorrow morning, there’ll be nothing to let her know I was ever here, so I have to not be here,” he said, clearing his throat twice before he could go on, steeling himself before he could dare to look at Luke again. “She has to be allowed to forget me,” he said sadly, “and I have to start trying to forget her.”

He went back to his packing, but he heard Luke sigh behind him.

“You won’t,” he said knowingly.

Jess closed his eyes a moment and forced down the emotion that tried to rise up in him like a tidal wave.

“I know, but she wants me to, so I’ll try.”


	11. Chapter 11

“Jess. Hey, Jess!”

He wasn’t sure how many times his name had been called before he noticed. From the look on Matthew’s face it seemed likely it was more than once or twice. Shaking his head free of the all-too-familiar fog, he focused his attention on his friend and apologised for not paying attention sooner.

“You think you’ll have those final edits done today?” his buddy asked urgently. “If we don’t get that thing prepped to go to print soon...”

“Give me an hour, they’ll be done,” Jess promised, clearing his throat and sitting a little straighter in his seat as he gave his full attention to the task at hand for once.

He missed the part where Matthew came closer, until suddenly there was a hand on his shoulder.

“You know, if you need more time-”

“I said they’ll be done!” he snapped, shrugging his friend’s hand off. “Geez, why can’t you just let me do my job?”

“Maybe because the problem is you weren’t doing it?” asked Chris from the other side of the desks, causing Jess to look daggers at him. “Hey, man, I’m just saying,” his friend insisted, hands raised in mock surrender. “You lose concentration so much since you’ve been back, half the time, there’s almost no point in you being here.”

Jess bit the inside of his cheek so hard it almost bled. He really, really wanted to yell and argue right now, but the truth was, he knew he couldn’t.

Things definitely had not been great with him since he returned to Philly after his trip to Stars Hollow. What was supposed to be a refreshing vacation, a few weeks spent with his uncle in a calm, stress-free environment, had turned into a several-months long, extended leave of absence as he inserted himself into the complex life of one Rory Gilmore. He had now been away from her longer than he had even known her and still she haunted him, day and night. Still, he wished he was with her, every day, all the time.

The irony wasn’t lost on Jess that Rory was stuck in his head, never to leave, while he was completely missing from her own mind. The woman he loved hadn’t just chosen to try and forget him and move on, she was literally able to do it, no effort required.

At this precise moment in time, Rory had no idea that she ever met Jess at all and maybe that was what hurt the most. Sadistic as he knew it to be, it was worse knowing she wasn’t going through the same pain he had to endure. She didn’t care he was gone because she couldn’t retain a memory of the fact he was ever there.

“Jess, buddy,” said Matthew with a look of sympathy that made him squirm, “we get that this is rough for you. You know, broken hearts and everything, it’s never easy but-”

“You don’t know anything about it,” he said, shaking his head. “Neither of you have a clue, so don’t even try to tell me you understand, because you don’t,” he said firmly, getting up from his seat and throwing on his jacket. “I need air.”

In the next moment, he was out the door, not caring that Chris was yelling behind him about the deadline for the editing or anything else. It didn’t matter. Nothing mattered anymore. It was almost scary to Jess how little he cared about the publishing business or his own writing or anything anymore.

All he thought about was Rory. He wondered how she was doing, what she was doing, how she was dealing with her life these days. He dreamed about her, almost every night, sometimes events that had happened, sometimes made-up scenarios that never occurred. There were even nightmares sometimes of seeing her again, having her look right through him, walk right through him sometimes, never knowing who he was, and not caring to find out.

Outside in the cold air of a Winter day in Philadelphia, Jess put his back against the wall of the building and took a deep breath. He needed a cigarette. Though he had kicked the habit a good while back, it had crept up on him again in the past few weeks and months. It wasn’t the first time he gave in to the temptation to start up smoking again. Right now, no amount of ‘Those things will kill you’ speeches from Luke or anyone else could stop him from lighting up.

A single thought of his uncle reminded Jess that he owed the guy a phone call. They’d had a semi-regular thing going for a long time where he would check in at least once a month. It was too long since he cut out of Stars Hollow, but Jess hadn’t found a day when he felt like he could stand to have that particular conversation. For all that they would try not to, he and Luke were going to end up talking about Rory and that could not lead to anything good.

Jess blew out smoke from his cigarette and fixed his gaze on the sky. It was perfectly clear and blue today, putting him in mind of eyes that looked much the same. He cursed under his breath and turned away. He concentrated on his cigarette, trying to distract himself by people-watching until he was done, since the guys would not have him inside for as long as he was smoking.

Unfortunately, the whole place seemed to be against him today. Everywhere he looked, Jess saw happy couples’ hand-in-hand, kissing on each other, staring adoringly into each other’s eyes. The next woman who walked by him even looked a little like Rory, the same hair, the same figure, similar clothes.

“Screw this.”

Jess tossed the butt of his cigarette to the ground and stomped it out with his boot. Reaching inside his jacket, he retrieved his cell and dialled Luke’s number. It had to be better just to get the damn call over with and then maybe, just maybe, he could move on. He didn’t really believe that, but he had to try anyway.

“Hello?”

“Hey, Uncle Luke. It’s me.”

“Jess, hey,” his uncle said awkwardly. “Uh, how’s it going?”

“It’s going,” Jess said non-comittally. “You?”

“Everything’s... fine.”

That was when everything came to a grinding halt. Usually, they talked fairly freely. When Luke asked how things were going, Jess actually told him, about things at the press and his writing, a few funny stories about the guys and such maybe. Then he would ask Luke how things were with him and, in less detail, his uncle would tell him about the diner, how happy he was with Lorelai, a few things about Stars Hollow in general, like what he yelled at Taylor for this week or which poor soul was currently under the thrall of Miss Patty. Not today.

“Jess?” Luke prompted when he said nothing.

“Still here,” he confirmed. “Uh, I’m sorry. I really don’t know how to do this anymore.”

Luke audibly sighed and maybe switched the phone from one side to the other from the sound of things. Jess almost asked him if they should just not bother at all, but never quite got the chance.

“Things are weird here,” he told his nephew. “I... Well, I almost called and told you when it happened, but I wasn’t so sure if you’d wanna know or what difference it would really make if I did-”

“Luke,” Jess cut in. “What happened?”

He was almost afraid of the answer, but then he wasn’t entirely sure he knew what it was he was so scared of hearing. It wasn’t as bad as somebody having died, there was no way Luke would have kept something that big to himself. It could be that he and Lorelai broke up, but that didn’t seem likely either, which only left one other person. Certainly, Rory would be someone Luke might be reluctant to tell him about, but if anything bad had happened to her...

“It’s Rory,” he said at last.

Jess felt his heart constrict in his chest and not in a good way. He didn’t even know how to ask what had happened, all he could do was wait for Luke to explain.

“She, uh... well, things were okay after you left. Not great, but okay. She watched her tape, knew the truth, caught up with her friends, wrote in her diaries, it was working. And then, it just... stopped working. I don’t know exactly how but she seemed to realise, day by day, how much she was... how much she was holding everybody back,” he said regretfully.

Jess knew how tough this was on Luke. There was no way him, or Lorelai, or anyone around the Hollow would’ve told Rory something like that. None of them would ever want her to think she was making their lives harder, but she was smart and such a good person, she would feel it anyway. Knowing the truth was better for her, Jess still believed that, but it had left Rory open to the opportunity of noticing how her condition really affected everybody else’s lives, perhaps even more than her own.

Luke and Lorelai couldn’t get married, couldn’t even live together like they wanted. If they did, there was every chance Rory would get up in the morning to find Luke already in the house, potentially half-dressed, and panic about why he was there. It meant Lorelai couldn’t get pregnant and have another kid, something else Jess was certain she and Luke would love. A lot of things could never be how they ought to be for a lot of people, and so much time was spent, albeit willingly, making things okay for Rory. She wouldn’t want that, she couldn’t, and Jess knew it.

“Uh, so, there’s this institution place in New York. She was there for a while right after the accident, before they realised how permanent her condition was,” Luke continue to explain. “One day, when Rory and Lorelai were talking about all that stuff, she got it into her head that maybe... maybe she would be better off there. Maybe everybody else would be better off if she was too.”

“That’s... crazy,” said Jess, a voice in the back of his head calling him a liar.

He understood, he really did. He could see the logic of what Rory had done, just as he could see why it made sense for him and Rory to break up the way they had, with her never knowing he was there and him trying to move on with his life in Philly without her. Unfortunately, logic made no difference when you loved somebody, whatever form that love took.

“Believe me, Jess, we tried to stop her,” said Luke with a further heavy sigh. “Lorelai more than anybody, but Rory was so determined. She’s been there a couple of weeks now and... you know, she actually seems pretty happy.”

Jess closed his eyes and forced a breath through his lungs, trying to ignore the stinging feeling in his eyes. There was a question in his mind he wanted to ask, just one, and yet he feared the answer, no matter what it was.

“Before she left,” he said eventually, “did she ever...?”

He couldn’t say it, could barely think it, and yet Luke seemed to know exactly what he meant. Good old Uncle Luke.

“You guys did such a great job with her diaries, and everybody here was sworn to secrecy,” he explained. “She never realised, never remembered.”

Jess leaned back against the wall, wondering if he felt better or worse for knowing that he truly had been completely erased from Rory’s mind the day he walked out of her life. In the end, he had to admit to himself that he never could have felt any better either way.

“So...” he began, unsure what he even meant to say after that.

Jess didn’t need to find any more words as Luke spoke up again.

“Hey, Jess, I got Lane here. She wants to say hi.”

Before Jess could say another word, the phone seemed to be handed over and Lane started chattering away in his ear.

“Jess, hey buddy, what is up? It’s so great to hear from you. Is everything good?”

She sounded weird, quite unlike herself, actually. Jess was sure he had only ever known Lane talk so fast before when she was attempting subterfuge around her mother in years gone by. That kind of thing made her nervous which was when she started talking like a speeded-up robot or something.

“Lane, what’s going on?” he asked warily.

“Nothing,” she answered too fast. “I just wanted to say hi, see how you’re doing, let you know that... that author we talked about is still proving to be pretty prolific.”

She seemed to be speaking very deliberately about something but Jess wasn’t getting the message. He couldn’t really remember talking books with Lane. With Rory, all the time, and even sometimes with Andrew at the bookstore, but not Lane. With her he talked music most of the time, but she definitely just said author, not songwriter.

“Yeah, she’s really prolific. Lots of new content, all on that same old theme. You remember that one theme that she was really stuck on? It’s important that you remember, Jess.”

He frowned at her constant use of that word. Like he wanted to be concentrating on memories or lack of same. That was when the lightbulb seemed to come on in Jess’ head. Memories, writing, all on the same theme.

“Rory,” he said without even meaning to. “Lane, are you saying...?”

“That she’s still writing that stuff on the same theme? Yes, I am,” she repeated with emphasis. “Anyway, I just needed you to know that.”

“Thank you,” Jess said definitely. “Seriously, Lane, thanks a lot.”

“No problem,” she told him, before clearly handing the phone back to Luke.

“Do I want to know what that was about?” his uncle asked.

Jess bit back a smile. “Uh, she was just checking in, letting me know some interesting information about an author we both love.”

“Oh, okay,” said Luke. “Well, I should get back to work and I’m guessing you should too.”

“Yeah, probably,” Jess agreed, glancing back over his shoulder at Truncheon and letting out a sigh. “Uh, thanks for catching me up. I’ll call you again soon.”

“Take care of yourself, nephew.”

“You too.”

He thought about telling Luke to say hi to Lorelai for him, but changed his mind at the last, hanging up without ever saying a word. Somehow, he doubted it would do her any good to hear from him right now, she had way too much on her mind with Rory.

Jess really hated to think of her in some institution instead of home where she belonged, amongst people who loved and cared for her. Still, New York wasn’t so far away, and if what Lane said was true...

Turning to the door, Jess grabbed the handle and pulled only to stop himself before he ever went inside. When he told the guys he needed to go away for a couple of days to NYC, they were going to want to kill him, but maybe if he told them why, they might just understand. After all, they were talking about the last chance here, one more shot. If this didn’t work then there really was no hope and, somehow, some way, as impossible as it seemed, Jess really was going to have to find a way to move on, without Rory Gilmore.


	12. Chapter 12

He almost talked himself out of it at least six times. Jess had actually expected the guys at Truncheon to do it for him, but surprisingly, they were all kinds of supportive of his plan to go see Rory. Maybe they thought when he saw her in a place like that it would truly hit home how ill she was, how impossible a future with her would really be. He wondered if they were right about that, but somehow doubted it.

Jess couldn’t even explain exactly why he was going to see Rory again. Luke already confirmed that she never mentioned him after he left town, never once asked about him. As far as anybody could tell, she had no memory of meeting him, never mind dating or falling in love. Of course, what Lane told him seemed to contradict that a little. Those stories Rory liked to write, that were almost entirely romances, where the girl, based on herself, met a guy, that read a lot like Jess, and went on to talk about the kinds of things they talked about, did the things they liked to do. It couldn’t just be a coincidence. There had to be something to it, even if Lorelai, Luke, and everyone else around seemed to think it was impossible.

All of this was running through Jess’ head as he rode the train into the city. It was a while since he had been to New York and he had many unpleasant memories about a lot of his time here. He loved the place because it had been home for quite a while, it was the familiar setting of his formative years and not all the memories were bad ones, but it was still strange to be back, especially given the reason he had chosen to come visiting.

It was comfort to know he wasn’t going to run into Liz by accident. God only knew where she was by now. Presumably at some Ren Fayre or other, up to her knees in turkey legs and court jesters. To think that Jess had always considered his mother to be the most likely person he knew to end up in an institution for people with brain trouble. Of course, he never really thought he would know anybody with a condition like Rory’s own.

Checking the piece of paper he printed off the internet before leaving Philly, Jess figured out how to get from the train terminal to the institution. It wasn’t far, a few stops on the subway, that was all. At least he knew it was the right place, since there was only one in the whole of the city. It meant the address had been easy to find with a quick internet search and Luke never had to know what was happening.

There was a part of Jess that felt bad about keeping the truth from his uncle and Lorelai. After all, they were Rory’s parents, or as good as in Luke’s case anyway, and they might even have been okay with this visit. Then again, maybe they wouldn’t, and Jess really didn’t want anybody trying to talk him out of his decision once he made it.

It didn’t help that he was well aware he was going against Rory’s wishes by seeing her again too, by backsliding into building his life around her instead of moving forward. The worst part was, she probably wouldn’t ever know he broke his word, since there was a very big chance she would look at him today and have no clue who he was.

Jess thought he was ready for that. He kept steeling himself against the pain that would come with her looking at him with the eyes of a stranger, asking who he was and why he was there, having to learn all about him from the start only to forget again the very next day. Maybe it wasn’t worth it. Jess tried to tell himself that long before he ever got this far, but it never stuck. Stupidly, he was holding onto hope, a vague chance, a slim possibility that Rory might just recall him somehow. He ought to know better, but it was all he had right now.

Finally, Jess climbed the steps that brought him up out of the subway onto the streets of New York. He found himself right outside the institution within a minute, staring up at the building that was that much shorter than those either side of it. Still, it felt daunting to Jess. Somewhere up there was Rory Gilmore, the woman he loved, only she probably wouldn’t know who he was. He wondered now if the staff would even let him see her, a thought that hadn’t occurred until now.

“Damn it,” he cursed, reaching for his cigarettes and shaking one out of the pack.

He stopped short of putting it into his mouth. In his mind he saw Rory, making a face when he confessed he used to smoke, telling him she was glad he stopped before they met. He asked her why and she leaned in closer, telling him she might not be so keen on kissing him if he hadn’t. Then she laid her lips on his, another perfect first kiss for her, just another perfect moment with Rory for him.

“Pull it together, Mariano,” he told himself, pitching the whole pack of cigarettes into the nearest trash can and marching himself into the building.

Though he suspected it wouldn’t be easy getting past the front desk, never mind all the way to wherever Rory was, the fierce looking woman manning reception was surprisingly helpful. When he asked to see Rory, giving her full name of Lorelai Leigh Gilmore when prompted, he was just waiting for them to ask who he was, why he needed to see her, and then to be sent away because he wasn’t a relative or whatever.

“Your name, please?” she asked instead.

“Jess Mariano,” he told her. “But if you ask her, she’s not-”

“I’m well aware that some our patients don’t know everybody they probably should know,” she said sharply, though not unkindly. “Trust me, I’ve been doing this kind of work since you were in diapers, honey,” she said, smirking a little as she clicked away on her computer.

“Jess Lucas Mariano,” she seemed to read from her screen then, before turning to face him. “You have ID?”

“Uh, sure, yeah,” he said, nodding as he reached for his wallet and produced his driver’s licence for inspection.

The woman seemed happy with that and was soon handing him a badge to wear that declared he was a visitor, as well as returning his ID to him.

“Take a seat right over there, I’ll have someone come down and escort you in a few minutes.”

“Thanks.” Jess nodded, going to sit down where she told him to.

For a while he wore a frown, trying to figure out how his name got into the computer. It took longer than it probably should for him to realise Lorelai and Luke must have had him added on just in case. Maybe they knew all along he could never stay away forever, even if that had been the plan.

“Mr Mariano?” said a voice, pulling his attention from the tiled floor. “Would you like to come with me?”

He got up to follow the young male nurse, who rode with him in an elevator up to the sixteenth floor. His badge said his name was Theo. His smile seemed a little too big for a guy who worked with mentally disabled people all day.

“Rory’s a great person,” he said out of the blue. “She’s always so happy, you know? I mean, sure, it’s hard for her, finding out every day that she’s starting over, but she takes it so well. She’s a real inspiration actually.”

“You don’t have to tell me,” said Jess, sighing heavily. “Believe me, I know how amazing she is. I was stupid enough to think maybe we were better off out of each other’s lives but...”

It seemed to occur to Jess all of a sudden that he was getting real confessional with a stranger in an elevator and he closed his mouth fast. What the hell was happening to him?

“It is tough,” said Theo, nodding his head. “Trust me, I get it. The kinds of conditions people have here, it breaks my heart, you know? Knowing they usually can’t get better, but hey, sometimes miracles happen,” he said, shrugging his shoulders, just as the doors opened. “The doctors are always saying not to give anybody false hope, but what is life without hope, you know?”

Jess didn’t really get a chance to give an answer to that. Honestly, he wasn’t sure what he would’ve said, even if Theo gave him the opportunity. He wanted to be hopeful, he truly did. He doubted he would be here if he wasn’t, and yet, it seemed so pointless somehow. That was what he thought until Theo led him through to a sunny day room full of patients, and there in the corner by the window, with a book in her hand, was Rory.

“Come on, I can reintroduce you,” said Theo helpfully, encouraging Jess to follow him over - it was only then that he even realised he had stopped walking the moment he saw her. “Rory.”

“Hey, Theo,” she said, smiling up at him. “Everything okay?”

“Everything is great,” he told her. “I have somebody here who wants a visit with you,” he said then, stepping aside until Rory and Jess could see each other properly. “Rory Gilmore, this is-”

“Dodger.”

If Jess had been looking at Theo, he would’ve noticed his eyes going back and forth between the two of them several times, like he was tracking a ping pong ball being batted. As it was, his own eyes were fixed on Rory who was suddenly up from her chair, staring at him like he was an alien. Also, did she just call him Dodger?

“Okay, then,” said Theo, backing away. “Since clearly you guys are okay with each other, and something not-so-good appears to be happening over there, I’ll just...”

He was gone in a second and nobody noticed. Jess was staring at Rory and she was staring back at him, her eyes wider than wide, bluer than blue.

“This is so weird,” she said eventually, shaking her head slightly.

“Well, that’s better than, ‘Who the hell are you?’” said Jess, smiling in spite of himself. “Uh, do you know who I am?” he asked, already sure he knew the answer, and yet she was looking at him like maybe, just maybe she did.

“Kind of?” said Rory uncertainly, frowning as she stared harder into his face, taking one small step closer because presumably she thought that might help. “I... I do know you, don’t I? I mean, obviously, because why else would you be here?” she said then, rolling her eyes. “It’s just...”

Jess didn’t move, wasn’t even sure he was breathing as Rory’s hand rose up to his face. His eyes closed for a moment as her fingers touched his cheek, but opened again when he heard her laugh.

“I half-expected you to disappear,” she admitted. “I’m sorry, it’s just that every other time...”

“Every other time?” Jess echoed, frowning some at her words, unsure where she was going with this. “Rory, you don’t...?”

“I don’t remember you,” she confirmed what he already knew, “but I do know you. I’m guessing your name isn’t really Dodger,” she said then, giggling one more time, her hand still at his face as she met his eyes. “It’s what I call you in my journal. I mean, you had to have a name when you’re here so often. Not here,” she confirmed, which meant Jess’ confusion must have been showing on his face. “Not in this building, because that I would’ve written down.”

“I’ve never been here,” Jess confirmed.

“No, but you’ve been here,” she said, taking her hand back and pointing to her own head. “I... I dream about you, so much,” she confessed. “I mean, right now, I only remember what I dreamed last night, but I have pages and pages written down about you. About us.”

It seemed unbelievable. If Jess wasn’t hearing this from Rory herself, he wouldn’t dare to think it was true, but the way she was looking at him right now, that confirmed it all. On some level, she did remember him. Not his name, not all the details of what they had meant to each other, but somewhere deep inside, she did know him.

“Jess,” he said eventually. “Uh, that’s my name. Jess Mariano.”

“Jess Mariano,” she echoed, nodding slowly. “Luke’s nephew?”

“That would be me,” he agreed, clearing his throat, not exactly surprised by all the emotion he was feeling here. “We have met before, we actually... well, we knew each other really well for a while, before you came here. It’s kind of a long story but-”

Before he could even finish the sentence, he suddenly found his arms full of Rory, her lips crushed against his own. Not willing to miss such an opportunity, Jess kissed her back with everything he had. It was some time before they came up for air.

“Oh my God!” Rory gasped. “It’s not... I didn’t make it up, did I? Those dreams... they were real?”

“Probably.” Jess nodded. “I mean, maybe not everything. I don’t know for sure but... like I said, kind of a long story,” he admitted, dizzy and overwhelmed still from the revelation of her knowing him, the thrill of holding her in his arms and kissing her again.

“I like long stories,” Rory told him, smiling at him still. “If they have happy endings anyway. I’m guessing, since you’re here, it’s a happy ending, right?”

“Geez, I hope so,” Jess told her, kissing her all over again.

God only knew how they were going to make this work long-term, but Jess wasn’t even thinking about that right now, and doubted Rory was either. The important thing was that, in spite of everything, he and Rory were together and wanted to stay that way. It meant that somehow, some way, they could make a life together, no matter what it took to do it. They would get that happily ever after she wanted so badly.


	13. Epilogue

Rory woke up slowly, opening her eyes and wondering why the ceiling didn’t look quite right somehow. Turning her head, she realised with some alarm that nothing about the room was familiar. This was not her bedroom at home or the one at Yale either, and yet, as she sat up fast and surveyed the scene around her, she realised other things did seem right. It was her comforter at the bottom of the bed, her usual items on the nightstand, the familiar framed photograph of herself and her mom right there where it should be.

She shifted her focus back to the foot of the bed, realising with some surprise that there was a TV there, the screen black, save for rainbow-coloured writing across the centre that said, ‘Good Morning, Rory.’ The remote was alongside it, complete with a sticky note that read, ‘Press play.’

Frowning in confusion but curious as to what in the heck was going on, Rory did as the note advised and hit the play button. Immediately, the display on the TV shuddered into life, one of Rory’s favourite songs playing in the background as the writing and black background faded into a video of one Lorelai Gilmore.

“Hey, sweets,” she greeted her daughter from the TV screen. “So, you’re probably a little confused right now, but don’t freak out, okay? A lot of stuff has happened and some of it is going to be hard for you to hear, but pay attention, baby girl, because it’s a story with a happy ending,” she promised, smiling widely.

What followed shocked Rory to the core as before her eyes came video clips and pictures galore, detailing an accident she could not recall, a condition she didn’t know she had, and a whole lot of information about family and friends that she had apparently missed. In the minutes that followed, Rory both laughed and cried, discovering that her mom was now married to Luke, that her best friend, Lane, was was married to band-mate, Zach, that Sookie and Jackson now had two kids and a third on the way, rather than just the one that she knew about, and so much more besides.

“So, that’s most of the important stuff you need to know about everybody else,” said a male voice from the TV as the final frame of video faded away. “That just leaves you and me,” he continued, as his smiling face suddenly appeared on the screen.

Rory gasped at the sight of a guy she never thought to see in reality. She had a dream about him last night, one so vivid she could almost believe it were true. Now she had to wonder if maybe it had been after all.

“Hey, Rory,” said the mystery man from the TV screen. “I’m Jess Mariano, and if you’ve taken a look at your left hand at all this morning, you’ll probably realise what we mean to each other.”

Realising what he must mean by that, Rory glanced down at her hand, eyes widening a little more at the sight of an engagement ring, before she quickly went back to watching the screen.

“I know this whole thing is scary and weird, but please know that everything is cool. This apartment is our home and you have absolutely nothing to be worried about. I know it’s going to take you a while to process and that’s okay. Your diary is in the nightstand if you wanna read what’s been going on in your own words, and when you want to talk, just come find me. I won’t be far away. I love you, Rory.”

Rory watched him smile as he told her that and then slowly the screen faded back to black, the video over. Blinking hard, she tried to take in everything she had just seen and heard. It seemed unbelievable and yet it had to be true. The evidence had been right there before her, and some of it still was, in the form of the diamond ring on her finger.

Reaching to the nightstand, Rory pulled open the drawer and there was her diary, just as Jess had told her it would be.

“Jess Mariano,” she said to herself. “Luke’s nephew?”

She was frowning a little as she opened up her diary and read all she could in her own handwriting. It was true, every word, not that she really doubted it, but it was kind of crazy. When she touched the back of her head, she could feel the bump from the accident. As she read more and more pages of her own writing, she understood so many things that would otherwise make no sense, including her dream about Jess last night.

With tears of sadness and happiness both, she read, she thought, and she processed. It was an hour, maybe more before Rory felt ready to face the world, but she was comforted by the fact her clothes were already laid out on the chair (her own choice from the day before, she had no doubt) and by knowing that when she headed on out of the door, she wasn’t going to be alone.

Dressed and ready, she headed for the door, only to turn back at the last and go over to the window instead. Taking a deep breath, unsure what she was expecting, Rory pulled on the cord to raise the blinds and gasped at the sight that met her eyes.

“New York,” she said softly to herself. “I live in New York,” she said, giggling at how crazy that seemed.

Shaking her head in wonder still, Rory went back towards the bedroom door and stepped out into the living room. It wasn’t the biggest apartment, but she liked it instinctively. She supposed she ought to since she probably helped pick out all the furniture and such. Her eyes scanned the walls as she walked through the room, seeing pictures of pretty much everyone she loved there. She found herself heading towards the kitchen without really knowing she was doing it and that was where she found Jess.

“Um, hey,” she said, raising one hand in an odd wave as he turned to see her standing in the doorway.

“Morning,” he said, smiling at her. “You’d be amazed how many times you show up just when the coffee machine is done,” he said, rolling his eyes as he poured her a cup and brought it over.

“Thank you, Jess,” Rory told him, laughing in spite of herself. “I’m sorry, this is a little...”

“Scary and weird?” he quoted from the video.

Rory shook her head. “No,” she told him definitely. “I mean, yes, kind of weird, but not scary,” she said without hesitation. “I’m actually not scared at all.”

“That’s good,” Jess told her, looking very pleased to hear it.

It was so strange because, on a cerebral level, Rory really didn’t know him, and yet, somehow, as she looked at Jess, she felt as if she did. Of course, they had clearly spend a lot of time together in the last couple of years, they would hardly be living together or engaged if they hadn’t, and it just didn’t seem awkward at all to her to lean forward and put her lips against his own in a sweet kiss.

“Okay,” he said as they parted, looking just a little dazed. “You’re not usually this forward this fast,” he admitted. “Not that I’m complaining.”

“Good.” Rory grinned at him, even as she felt the colour rising in her cheeks. “Um, so, I read a lot about us and our lives, but I think I missed the part about what we do for a living. Do I have a job?” she asked, feeling strange having to even pose that question.

“Essentially, yes,” Jess told her, picking up her free hand and leading her back through to the living room and then on to a second bedroom.

It was practically shoebox small, but just big enough for two desks, each with a computer, paper and pens, and everything a person might need for work. One had tchotchkes and such that she recognised as her own, or at least to her own taste, while the other she had to assume was Jess’ space. From her desk, he picked up one of the pieces of paper and showed it to her.

“I wrote this?” she checked, skimming the page. “A novel?”

“Short story,” he confirmed. “In the circumstances, you’re better with those, but don’t go thinking you’re subpar just because your books aren’t as long as mine,” he said, smirking as he gestured to the shelf hung between their desks.

Rory was amazed all over again as she took in the sight of three books held between stylish book-ends. Two were novels by Jess Mariano, the third, a book of short stories by Lorelai Leigh Gilmore.

“Oh my God!” she gasped. “I’m... I mean, we’re... published?” she checked.

“You get your next collection finished like you keep telling me you’re going to and that shelf will start looking a little more even,” Jess told her mock sternly, before his smile broke through again and he wrapped his arms around her. “We have plans to fill that thing over the next few years, and if a few end up being best sellers, that’d be cool too.”

Rory laughed even as tears fell from her eyes. She put down her coffee so she could take Jess’ face in her hands and kiss him again, more deeply than before, taking him by surprise in the best way.

“I have to admit, I like days when you take things this well,” he said as they parted. “Rory?” he checked then, looking a little concerned.

She didn’t wonder at it, given what she had to tell him.

“I read something in my diary that I don’t think you know yet,” she confessed, swallowing hard. “Jess, as crazy as this sounds - especially to me - I’m pretty sure we’re having a baby.”

When he kissed her then, he all but took her breath away and Rory didn’t mind at all. She meant what she said before, she really wasn’t afraid of being here in what ought to be a strange place with a strange man who said he was her fiancé. She had no memory of any of it, that much was true, but something deep inside of her, stronger than mere memory, told her this was right, that this was her place in the world. Somehow, she just knew that she never wanted to be anywhere else for as long as she lived.


End file.
